For the past few months I've been wondering why I haven't even been visiting this site. Earlier I used to drop by to at least read my posts if not to write a new one. Now, I almost seem to be hiding. Is there a word for fear of expressing oneself? (Note to self - look it up!) Of late, I've caught myself fearing just that. And this confession comes with the hope that it will absolve me of some of that fear.
A couple of weeks ago, a friendly forward made me realize just how much my vocabulary has shrunk over the past few years. I used to use the right words for describing my feelings or thoughts. Now all I do is get amazed. Amazed at how beautiful something is or how dismal. Amazed at reports of volatility of public reaction or their inertness. Amazed at displays of strength and power and cowardice and helplessness alike. And now when I try to correct that, my referring to the dictionary to look up words I already knew, hurts that thing called pride.
So you see - it all comes down to pride. Maybe NOW I will work on it. Of course not in a medium as public as this ;-). But well, a public confession does help.
Especially when you don't allow comments.. ;-)
So long!
~K.
