Save Our Souls

I graduated from the Teach For India fellowship last week. With these lofty ideas that somehow I had helped mould the future for some children. And that these children will be the leaders a few years hence and their strength, courage and wisdom will be a deterrent to the darkness and monsters that run rampant now. I must admit, I was so preoccupied with the graduation ceremony, my part in it, what I’d have worn to it that for the days preceding it, I did not care what was happening in the country that I had so proudly helped (in my opinion) to shape.

Serves me right for living in a bubble.

The news incidents of the last couple of weeks have been the biggest antidote to my complacency of thinking that (attempts to) teaching children values like respect, empathy, friendship, grit, awareness is going to bring even the tiniest deviation in where we are headed as a people. For anybody to have a future, there is a precursor of surviving the present. Which is what seems most bleak now.

One of the things that we had learnt as a part of the fellowship was that to truly guide children to a better future, it was important to understand their truth. Only then would we be able to contextualize the hope that we could provide to them. Take out the truth and the hope might be false or not make sense. Take out the hope and the truth would suffocate them.

Cut to the present – in the last week itself, there have been numerous distressing, disgusting and depraved news incidents coming from all over the country; of people conspiring towards, committing or condoning violations like no other. And these were just reported cases. Who knows how many never got reported? Amidst news of people supporting, justifying and pardoning acts of rapes, murders, riots and massacres, I’ve been struggling to give myself even a sliver of hope.

And that reminded me of the balance between truth and hope.

Before I try to find that elusive bit of hope, I probably need to understand the truth behind these acts.

Now I’m asking this question to whoever can give me an answer with substance – What kind of human does one have to be to dehumanize an entire class of people based on their religion, social status, skin colour or gender? Forget a class, how does one dehumanize even one person? Is it something circumstantial? Psychological? Pathological? Genetic? Would something have gone wrong in their childhood? Or in their education?

I am trying to look for trends. Gender doesn’t classify – there are males and females alike. (Maybe the third gender will be our saviour. Who knows?) Maybe belonging to a particular Faith or Spirituality? Again, it doesn’t help. These perpetrators have included various spiritual leaders themselves (regardless of faith or being self-proclaimed or appointed). Educational background doesn’t seem to help either – we’ve had doctors, lawyers, police officers complicit in this. The only clause in educational background is that we don’t have set standards in or even a proper definition of education.

At this point, I don’t have any other clues. Hence the question – what does it take for one human being to look at another human being but not see them as humans? Until we understand, I doubt we will be able to devise deterrents or punishments. And until we understand this truth, any hope that we give ourselves will be as shallow as these threats to humanity masquerading as humans themselves.  

Someone had better start talking. And soon.

~K.

Reveling in revelations!

Some people take pride in being the "Do-It-Yourself" type. They can fix things in the house, design the simplest or the most complicated things in their heads, predict faults and failures  in a single look, and know what they'll need in new stations / situations alike. They may not boast about it. But there's that unmistakable hint of self-esteem, nay, self-admiration, every time they... well.. do things themselves.

Now I'm at the other end of the spectrum. Not the blatantly outsourcing types. That would have been so much easier! I am what I call a "Screw-It-Yourself" type of person.

I never know what I want. Or what I need. What would look, feel or work well in different situations. I try making things, but never finish them. I plan things that I never do. I have detailed conversations in my head and then forget they were only in my head. (For the record, I blame Dumbledore for this!). And all this is in a relatively non stressful environment.

At work, I take things like an old historian. I observe for the longest time before I make a conclusion. Only it's the wrong conclusion. I try to think and derive a pattern in things, so that I can predict some behavior or define some corrections - only the corrections don't work, even if the patterns or predictions are right (I do get lucky sometimes). I've done this consistently at work, at home, in my relationships, and now, most dangerously, as I'm bringing up my own and a bunch of other kids.

And yet - the thing I share with my DIY counterparts is the self-admiration.

You see, anyone can be careless and silly with material (or immaterial) things. But to do so with things that matter or with people takes real and rare talent. And guts. Try doing your experiments on people who can do it back on you. You have to assume that the said people (and their guardians) have a sense of humor. And that they'll be kind enough to see your intentions, if not your methods. And most importantly, that they won't sue!

I love it that my life has this comical (and borderline loony) theme. With a little extra wits, I could script a play using quite literally comedy of (my) errors. Of course without any of the classical unities of action, time or place. But then what's the point? I would never finish it.

Like I said - patterns may be identified, predictions may be made, but corrections? Ahhh.. I think I'll outsource them!

Still laughing it off. And hoping it never comes down to blowing it up!

Enjoy the farce!

~K.

Hide and still seeking

There was a time when I used to sing a little, write a little, read a lot and walk a lot. These were the things that used to keep me sane and at peace - both with myself and the world, in that order.

That there probably was a lot of insanity in my life then is inconsequential to this post. Partly because there still is. But the point remains, that through the anger and madness, I still had enough time to do the things I liked.

And then I took the bold step of changing my premise. I'm told it was bold. And brave. And I don't refute it. I did it with the hope that I'll find myself by doing what I believe in. As a bonus, I found that I was good at it. Good enough to finally give me a job satisfaction at least.

That being the case, I'm wondering why I still feel short changed.

The answer is complicated. I miss doing my favorite things. I miss being able to disconnect from work, even if for a short while. Most of all, I miss the luxury of not caring about work all the time.

That is what I've realized in the last year. Being a teacher means more than thinking and planning extensively. It's more than having to make a decision - big or small, every 2 minutes. The thing that takes the biggest toll is caring every single minute.

Case in point - this post. It's been 10 days since my school closed for the summer break. And my mind is still in the classroom - reminiscing the year gone by, or working out some plan for next academic year, or just thinking about the little tykes of my class and hoping they're safe, happy, carefree, and having fun! I find myself wishing that they get a break from the problems that they face in their lives every single day. Every political update that I find revolting reminds me of values that I want to inculcate in my children. Every new achievement in science or arts or sports reminds me to tell the same to my children to give them some heroes to look up to. Every time I notice instances of excess in my life and around it, I get repulsed, because it reminds me of these incredibly warm families living in the opposite end of the financial spectrum, and how unfair life is to them.

And if this is my mental state during summer break, it's nobody's guess what really goes on when school is in session.

The thing that I do feel thankful for is being a part of the solution. Of having a chance to do something other than feeling sorry. So it comes at a price. So be it.


Love, luck and hope.
Miss K.

The other crazies...

This journey began on a beautiful sunny day (albeit a little hot), on a beautiful diary, writing with a beautiful pen. I'm guessing this omen should have been good enough. But then, I never did believe in omens.

What do I believe in? Remember Sound of Music - I have confidence in rain; I have confidence that spring will come again.. Something something.. (oops) I have confidence in me!

Maybe, just maybe - I can solve a problem like Maria (does).

And of course - I get by and high and fly with a little help from my friends.

Oh where (o where) would I be without songs?

But you know - I go on and on about friends almost all the time. There's also this crazy (and not so) bunch of people who didn't have the choice of rejecting me. And who love me despite all my weirdness. This group of lovely people I call family. Bound by blood, or by law - they go miles out of their way to fill in for me when I go off wandering. In search of peace or purpose or self. How they do it every single time and with so much love is something I'll never comprehend. But I sincerely hope all good things come their way - good health, cheer, times - everything!

Now that I think about it, it's remarkable how certain friends get so close, they start feeling like family. And how certain family members feel so close, you start treating them like friends. It all gets blurred, the closer people get.

Maybe all you do need is love.

Love, luck and happiness! (To everyone!)

~K.

The Truant

Drawn towards the silence,
away from the noise -
both familiar and strange
And that creepy human voice
Some days are like that, I guess.

Days that go wrong without a reason.
Or good for that matter.
And you're left looking for logic,
Though you know it's just plain chatter.
Some days feel like that, I guess.

Feelings that run wild
All over your spectrum of emotions.
With, without, nowhere in between;
Sweetness and sadness in crazy proportions.
Some days seem that like that, I guess.

Things that seem one way
But may be completely different, altogether.
Like people interchanging roles -
Friend, foe, mother, father, brother.
Some people are like that, I guess.

I-We League

For a long time, I had been craving a moving experience. Of course not the literal moving, but the metaphorical. Well I couldn't have gone to a better place in search of it.

The last two weeks at Teach For India have been a series of revelations and reflections (as is the popular culture here). Not that I have a problem with either of these; but I do sometimes wonder how many revelations my heart can take in a month. In just the first weekend, we had 2 community visits - both shattering my preconceived notions about people, poverty and even my own self. There were stories aplenty of both heart break and breakthroughs, told in both first and second person. And though it may not be the best thing to say publicly about oneself, I found myself crying like a sissy in all of these. And let's face it - there's just this much that you can blame on homesickness.

We met people living in slums; we made a sculpture out of garbage in a lower income group community; we went door to door in another lower income community recruiting children to a summer school, and we've had 2 PTM's since school started on May 12th. In all of these meetings with people, I have been amazed at how similar we all are in terms of simple joys, hopes, aspirations and even fears. And also how varied because of the conditions we live in and the world we have been exposed to. It's a reaffirmation of what our CEO Shaheen Mistry said during induction - it was a coin toss that decided that I will lead the life that I am living. I didn't do anything to deserve the family I was born in.

There's so much detail that I want to express. But I find I cannot contain it in words anymore. Even though they are the only set of tools I am comfortable with. I'm reminded of roller coaster rides that made me dizzy afterwards. It's only logical that emotional roller coasters should numb your mind. Maybe I should just wait it out and count on the reflections to reveal themselves.

However, even if the details get blurred, the one theme that remains constant is the strength in numbers while also remembering how each one of us is needed for all of us to stay strong. Isn't it ironic?

Oh well.. Life does have a funny way of sneaking up on you. And a funny, funny way of helping you out. Thanks a lot, Alanis Morissette. Here's my other hand giving a high five!

Peace out! \_/

~K.

The heart of conversations

Sometime in school, I had read the book - Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul. For those who aren't familiar with the "Chicken Soup for ..." series, all books are collections of simple, heartwarming stories to comfort the target audience. In my case, the perennially agitated teenager. One such story came with a lesson that everyone has something to tell us, and perhaps teach us, if only we're willing to listen.

While that is indeed a good piece of advice, it is rather incomplete. It does not teach how to get people to talk so that you can listen to what they might have to say.

And that, has been my affliction in life - not being able to initiate or engage in conversations.

Last week, I finished reading my first Hindi novel - Kasap. By Manohar Shyam Joshi. It's a beautifully written love story set in Kumaun. It can be argued that I liked the story so much because of the Kumauni flavour, or because Manohar Shyam Joshi was a relative. Or maybe because it was my first foray into reading Hindi literature and I don't have anything to compare it to. But then it's not the relation or the setting which makes language beautiful. And really, I find comparison between literature quite futile. Is there any point judging a Catch-22 against say, Train to Pakistan or Midnight's Children?

Coming back to Kasap - it's a genuinely sweet story. The simplicity of characters and situations make it that much more easy to relate to. Even in a state of hysteria. At the end, the story leaves you with a sweet sadness which is strangely satisfying. As if any other outcome would have been a betrayal. And like any other well written work of fiction, it has these pearls of wisdom thrown in, in the most inconspicuous manner.

And that is what reminded me of my lack of conversational skills. It reminded me of all potential conversations I could have had. Not just with Mr. MSJ, but with so many other brilliant, beautiful people in my family - my Grandfathers in particular. And not just people who have passed away, but even those whom I am not in as close contact with as I would like to be. Or those who are actually close, but with whom I've never managed to go further than weather talk. And all these new, wonderful people I keep meeting everyday in training. Have conversations of substance, only to listen.

Maybe one day, I'll know. Until then .. Hello, voices in my head!

Cheers, as always!
~K.

Living the Dream

If anyone was to make a movie or paint a picture or write a book about wishes coming true, I'd be the poster girl for it. Totally!

For as long as I can remember, I've got what I've wished for - studying Engineering, working in IT industry, living independently, International travel, finding love. Of course they've all taken time and effort - in most cases unconscious effort; because ironically - I've never believed in wishes as much as I've believed in work.

Through all of this, there was this long held desire, which I used to put off as not just ambitious but also vain - of teaching. I'd mentioned it in a few earlier posts and talked about it to some friends in the kind of conversations you remember even years later. I must admit, the idea was probably planted by the movie - "To Sir, With Love". And that may also be why it seemed vain and fantastical at the time, because .. well.. Sidney Poitier! But what was not so (and the credit for this would go to a vast number of people in my life), was the notion of good education being the solution to a whole lot of maladies.

Last year, when a friend told me about "this organization" called Teach For India - TFI for short - www.teachforindia.org; (Yes. I have pretty cool friends!) it simultaneously served as a reminder of all those conversations and an invitation to put my words to action. It was like a mysterious Karmic confluence was bringing all the broken pieces together. And hey, who am I to refuse this crazy, cosmic force when it comes calling?

Ergo - TFI.

So here I am - 2016 Teaching Fellow at Teach For India, about to start my Fellowship in a little more than 2 weeks, and still trying to come to terms with my job description. Thanks to a short volunteering stint, I've seen the perfect trailer of the routine, the challenges that lie ahead and the opportunities that we'll have to bring about a positive change. I've realized that if I am lucky, a student will allow me a glimpse into her life - touching my own in the process.

My occupational hazards have changed from laptop glare to chalk dust and mind-numbing frustration to, quite possibly, heart-breaking despair. But I'm thankful for the chance and proud to have signed up for it!

I think that wish of getting lost and looking and finding something may be on its way home too. I say it's about time!

Love, luck and hope.

~K.

ps: I read this quote by Rumi today - "What you seek is seeking you." Um.. if that's indeed true, someone should probably prepare the kids for what's coming their way. ;-)

Until later,

~K.

Cold Hard Genius

The upside of having time has got to be reading! Yes - I say that because I'm biased towards books. It's the only way to enjoy the company of great thinkers, dreamers, lovers, artists, scientists - all at the same time.

Why do I say this? It's because I just finished reading I, Robot.

Now I have never been attracted to Science Fiction as a genre. Neither in books, nor in movies. Always found it too taxing on my brain. Or maybe my heart. Or so I assumed. It was The Husband who made me watch the movie. So I guess, I owe this piece to him.

Anyway - through the drama in the movie, peeks the concept of evolution of robotic and robots themselves, whose.. well "logic is undeniable". Strictly speaking for myself - though it was initially the drama which made the movie palatable; the actual thrill came from how the evolution theory was built up in the movie.

So now that I had the time and I had already seen the movie, I thought I'd read the book and be done with it.

Let me come to the book. For starters, the movie doesn't exactly follow the story line in the book. There aren't many similarities in the book apart from the name of the corporation - USR, and some characters - Dr Alfred Lanning, Robertson and of course Dr Susan Calvin - who, by the way is the real rock star at USR and certainly does not need a paranoid detective Spooner to deduce any mysteries where robots are involved. No offense to Will Smith or his fans, but it's a stupid, sexist reason to have his character at all in the movie.

The book is a collection of short stories rather than a novel. Structured as a memoir, each chapter is a reminiscence of a mishap at USR. The evolution of robots is evident in the apparent malfunction that is being described. From an emotional, but non verbal mechanical companion to a complicated device that has complete control of the earth. As the capabilities of the robots grow, so does the overlap on the human domains. Eventually, everything that a human being could be deemed capable of doing, could be achieved by the robot, only more efficiently.

And that is what is so captivating about the book. The things that robots are shown to have achieved. From being a companion nurse, to mining on planet Mercury, to Interstellar travel! Top that with human actions like mind reading, lying (albeit to prevent hurt), impersonating, getting confused (and twiddling fingers) and even forming a religious cult, and you find yourself wondering how long before it actually comes true. Because however dramatic it may seem, the cold, hard logic behind it is - again - undeniable.

I feel almost sad going back to the regular, human fiction now. A glimpse of a higher world can be cruel. Well, at least I know whom to blame! ;-)

Read more books. It's not "only words".

Cheers!

~K.

ps: Apparently, these stories were written between 1940 - 1950. While the world was split between the bullies and the bullied, this young lad in his 20's clearly had better things to do.

Ah well - thank god for Geniuses!

The long way home

So it turns out that last days at work aren't quite as dramatic as I had thought. There's no music playing in the background, no montage of significant moments projected anywhere, depending on the time or place - there may not even be anyone seeing you off. It turns out that the entire rush of sentimentality that I was imagining was exactly that - imaginary.

It's just another day that you exit the office. Perhaps through a different gate. Perhaps in a different mood. But the same scene as any other day. The only difference might be the route that you choose to take on the way back home.

As in the case of life, it's only your circle who is affected or interested.

All goes to show how closely a part of life can resemble life itself.

C'est la vie!


~K.

The Magic Book!

Long ago I had read this book - Illusions, by Richard Bach. While the book itself is themed like The Matrix trilogy - pointing out the illusory nature of the world we live in and performing miracles that would defy the laws of physics (remember the spoon?), that is somehow not what stayed with me. What I loved most, was the Messiah's handbook, which didn't have any page numbers and would give you the answer that you were in need of most whenever you opened it. Just like magic! And it doesn't stop there. The character goes on to explain that it can be done with any book.

I have come to realize that this concept can be extended to just about anything. Answers can be found anywhere. Books. Paintings. Songs. (They're even "blowin' in the wind", if you believe Bob Dylan!)

But coming back to me and this particular case - I got mine in this Word Porn link that came in my Facebook feed. Despite all my contempt for it, FB was bound to get something right.

In a couple of weeks, I will have more time than I have ever had in the last 12 years. As exciting and romantic the prospect of pre-planned joblessness may sound, it is also scary. There's a constant doubt questioning the decision. And even a fear of freedom. So I'm gathering with both hands, all the signs that give me any sense of hope.

Right now it is these 10 tips. I mean if you can't trust a writer like JRR Tolkein, whom can you trust, really?

Looking forward to getting lost. And looking and finding something.

Love, luck and hope. And faith. And a cheer and a song.

~K.

The antithesis

I'm not a hero. I'm not called to save the day.
My joys are ordinary. So are my sorrows.
My needs are simple.
My battles; my victories; and my defeats -
All routine. All run of the mill.
My interests are few. My passions, fewer still.
I know some facts. Opinions - not many.
My weaknesses are typical, strengths normal, if any.

But, I am.
Like the basic definition of matter - I have mass and occupy space.
And for that reason, I matter.

Chalo!

Ever noticed how the best of plans or activities start with something as simple as "Chalo!".

This is something that DD had said to me very matter-of-factly a long time ago. We were just talking about the things that we really wanted to do. And she was thinking how great it would be to open a school of some sort which would basically teach kids (or maybe adults too) to not hold back. That nothing was impossible. All we had to do was start! The name of the school that she had in mind was "Chalo!"

Got reminded of this today when I saw an email that floats around in my office about a Walkers' club - who generate and donate money to American Heart Association. The initiative is called "Start! Charlotte Heart Walk". (http://www.startcharlottenc.org/)

There's so many things that I just need to just start! doing. Start exercising. Start reading again. Start writing again. Start singing all over again. Start dancing. Start worrying about work and office a little less. (that's one thing I've "started" doing about a hundred times already in the last 7 years.) In some years maybe I can start thinking about studying again too. For now we are on a break! ;)

I think today would be a good day to *ahem* start doing at least one of these things. I feel good. I am happy. I am healthy. I have a wonderful family. And a lot of really good friends. And I love my life. Enough reasons to do all the things I want to do. Even including saving the world!

So what am I waiting for? Just the call I guess...
Chalo! :)


High on life!

~K.


ps: There's no copyright on the name of the school. I know DD (and even I) still want to open that school. But if I suddenly find that the school has already been set up by someone, I'll still give the credit to DD. I don't know anyone who can say "Chalo!" in a happier and a more inspiring way! *:)

Packing up!!

Life of a blogger does not end after marriage... But I must say, it does get a little crippled because of all the movement. Both physical and symbolic. I mean when all your time is spent in getting accustomed to a new family, a new place, customs which you had only seen others being a part of or sometimes only on the television (*winks*), in my case even a new language... you really won't have the time to.. whaddaya call it .. blog!

Life after marriage has been fun... Sourav and I've made generous contributions to the travel industry. Unfortunately mostly to see each other rather than seeing places... :P
Anyway... After changing a lot of addresses in India, we are pretty much settled in Mooresville, NC (at least for the next 6 months when the lease expires). Which can only mean 1 thing - that we are ready to travel again! Yay!

If it were to me I'd go round the country making only train journeys (and that's not because of my previous flying adventures). But for that I'd have to swap my working days with holidays. And good luck with THAT!

Until then... flying it is! The traveler spirit calls. And first stop - always the family! :)

More later.
Love always.

~K.

Odd One Out!

Some of my friends are of the opinion that the Retail Industry owes its existence to women. Oh well... I must be what they call the black sheep. Oh don't get me wrong... it's not that I can't shop. When it comes to buying gifts for people, I can do that with my eyes closed. (Not literally of course, but you know what I mean) But send me to a mall to shop for myself and all I can do is go from store to store looking at stuff... not buying anything... a little pissed with myself, but happy that I'm at least burning calories!

I'm back in the US now. And last weekend I set out to do some serious shopping. No.. seriously! There wasn't anything specific on my agenda. But I did have a couple of nice occasions which deserved some nice gifts. So Sourav and I spent almost a whole day store-hopping and what did we finally return home with? Umm... some groceries, some supplies, some liquor, a couple of books and a couple of movie DVD's from Blockbuster. And not that I didn't look (or was forced to look) for anything for myself. Everything was either too fashionable (where do you think I'll wear that dress?) or too uncomfortable (not THOSE heels!) or just too expensive (300 bucks for that stupid necklace??!! When have you seen me wearing jewelery??) !!! Again, it's not that I don't have a reason to buy stuff for myself... Or (for a change) the money. I do. But aahhh... I'm finally beginning to admit that I just don't have the wits to shop for myself!

If I could, the only thing I'd ever buy for myself or spend any of "money-for-me" for would be in one of these categories - Dining (Food and ahem... Drinks!), Travel (My absolute favourite activity!) and Entertainment (Concerts and Shows.. esp Broadway!). These are the things that make life simple. And enjoyable. And so much fun!

I know some of my friends are smiling or maybe laughing while reading this. They know this is how I am, how I've been all my life. Some of them have been hoping for some time that I'll change a little. Well, I haven't. I'll let this be my confession to the Fashion industry and end it at that. What I'm glad about, meanwhile, is that life continues to be beautiful even when you're dressed out of style! :-)

Peace on earth!

Love always,

~K.

P for Perfect?

The other day I took this quiz on facebook - What's your phobia?
And guess what mine turned out to be - Atelophobia. (The fear of Atilla the Hun... ;))
Ok really... Fear of Imperfection!

Kinda made me wonder... is that how much I seek perfection?

I hope not.


Love all,
~K.

Gosh!

I'm almost scared to come to this site now. It might bite, you know. Or worse, it may have forgotten me.

I've been wanting to write for a very long time now. If for nothing else, then just to say that life of a blogger does not get over after marriage. In fact there's more to write about. More people. More ceremonies. More food. More everything!
In fact I did write one day you know. And that too on a piece of paper! With a pencil! Beat that!

Anyway.. I feel like I've been running around the whole country all this time. From Seattle to Delhi in Dec end. Then to Chennai in Jan. Weekend trips to Bangalore. Jan end to Delhi. And then to Calcutta for the wedding. Then to Chinsurah. To my newly wed house :D. Then to Hyderabad. Again to Chennai. And finally to Bangalore. Then some weekend trips.. one to Delhi (more about that later). But mostly to Hyderabad. Because that's where the husband was, you see. Was - until 2 weeks ago.
And now I'm finally settling down in my own life in my cozy rented apartment (which, btw, we are furnishing as if it was Disney's Castle!)

Why am I telling you all this? 1 - as a matter of explanation of my truancy. 2 - because I'm excited. Nervous too.. but basically excited! :-)

Well Well Well... I'll cut this one here. It's 1 in the night and I've been up finishing off some office work. Working under pressure makes me hyper active I guess. Sometimes even I get surprised at what all I'm able to achieve. Like posting an article on my blog for example... ;-)

More later. And not as late as this post. I promise!

Love to all.
Good luck and God bless!

Cheers always. I mean ALWAYS!

~K.

Tan ta Daaaaannnnn....

My dear people... All those who care to read... (and those who were FORCED to read!) Presenting... (drum rolls in the background) My Husband-Elect! With a term lasting around a couple of hundred years... or the end of one of our lives (whichever comes last!), this is no easy job. And it DEFINITELY doesn't pay!!! (On the contrary it quite means that well... he gotta keep paying to keep that job!) ;-)


Meet Sourav. Sourav Chattopadhyay. The guy who significantly changed my life and is all set to change my name, come February '09. He actually managed to score over Al Pacino and Johnny Depp and Jim Morrison. 'Coz .. well... for starters, he was neither out of reach nor dead. And he shared the same interests as I did. (Or maybe I should say similar... because the time when I was reading Archies and Tintin and Asterix... at the most - Agatha Christies, he was reading the Iliad of Homer! Really... I don't think I even knew anyone who'd read that... DD knows the only reference of the Iliad that I use.. :D) And what's more... he even happened to show the knack and the patience of tolerating me despite my "mad-eyed-moodiness" (sorry JKR... that phrase and that character still belong to you, I'm just borrowing it.), my extremely unpredictable and incontrollable temper and most of all.. my absolutely corny non-sense of humour! And that too not just for a day or two. But he did that consistently for 3 months and continues to do so even now. Now THAT'S what I call real talent! (Take a bow sweetie!)

I'd mentioned in one of my previous posts - I need to see some of myself being transferred to the other person the way I take in some of him. Though I do see that happening, what's funny is what I've given in return of what I got... He writes me poetry, and I give him childish limericks. He gives me Rabindra Sangeet and some priceless Satyajit Ray classics and I get him to watch Jab We Met. He teaches me Bangla and I've taught him... well... blblblblblblll.. :D

Too late to worry about all this. The vows have been taken. (Including the all important "What is yours is mine... what is mine is also mine... and what is ours is ALSO mine!"). We still have to go through the entire hullabaloo called marriage with all its exotic rites and rituals in both Pahadi flavour and Bengali. But compared to all that has already happened, that should be a piece of cake!

Just one thing left to say now - *Touchwood*

So that's how it goes... My reason why 2008 has really been the year of Change! And why the change will bring a whole lot of better tomorrows!

Until later...

Love, Luck and Hope... and Happiness!
~K.

In the name of God

Or whatever else you may believe in - Country.. Religion.. Race.. Stop this nonsense. It is uncalled for. There's nothing... Absolutely NOTHING that can justify these acts of callous, barbaric, merciless acts of terrorism.

In the last five days I experienced shock, despair, frustration, disgust, anger, horror, shame, hurt, helplessness and sadness. All in extremes. So much that more than once it made me cry out of all these emotions that, until now, I never experienced together in a span of a week, let alone a day.
I heard myself thinking what's wrong with our eyes that a group of men can boldly walk into our streets and stations and cinemas and hotels loaded with ammunition and start firing bullets recklessly at innocent people around them and we come to know only when the gunshots continue for longer than 5 minutes. Is it that easy to conceal ammunition? Or do we suffer from the delusion that we are indestructible? Or is it simply a side effect of the "tolerance" that we, as a country, as so famous for?
I heard myself and my friends blaming the government. At their inefficiency in preventing the situation as well as in controlling it. At their incapability to provide security to the people they are elected to rule. At the lack of brains that they display with such insensitivity that it doesn't pinch them before making comments like "such things happen". At the lack of guts and spine that they display by submitting their resignations as their only way of accepting their failure. Does it not occur to them to stay and fight back and make sure that they bring the guilty to task and that their country and people don't have to face such terror again?
I heard myself cursing and damning the terrorists. I heard myself wishing the worst on people who masterminded and executed the attacks. The one in Mumbai as well as all others that India has gone through in recent times. What do these people want? When will they stop? Can't they see how wrong and futile this is? Aren't they humans too? Can't we do anything to stop them once and for all?
I heard myself muttering a "Thank God" after hearing that everyone I know in Mumbai is safe. And that their friends and families are safe too. (Thank God) As if it will somehow make the blow that we just received a little better. It still makes me feel like a hypocrite. This is not how I am.

I used to believe that what we need to do is to educate people. Once they realize there's more to life than fighting for petty differences like whose God is better, maybe we'll see the end of such wars. Maybe if people realize that there is so much more to channel their energies and ideas towards, we'll see more nations progressing - not just scientifically and economically but also morally. I used to believe that education and work would gradually replace religions and Gods all over the world.
Apparently I was wrong.

Suddenly I don't know what to believe, whom to trust anymore. Any face - young or old, could be carrying weapons that could put people like you and me in danger anytime, anywhere.

But somehow, somewhere inside my heart I don't want to think me or my loved ones could be at the mercy of any such inhuman souls. Borrowing from Godfather - it insults my intelligence. And hence, I keep believing in the strength that we derive from our ability to think straight. From our capacity to tell the right from wrong. But most importantly, from our desire to live with the respect and dignity that we deserve. And hence, I also believe that there IS something that we can do. All systems and societies that we talk about are made of people like us. The people who are trying to rip us apart also come from similar systems. They are not any stronger or more advanced or more capable than we are. It's time for us to get together and shout back - ENOUGH!


~K.

*************************************************************************************

I wish media would stop talking about "The Mumbai spirit". The spirit is undeniable. It's real. Mumbai will be back up on it's feet again. As it always has. But is that the point?

All Indians who are reading this and will be in India during the elections, please make sure you cast your vote. Register yourselves at Jaagore.com. It's a wonderful site that will give all registered users alerts about the election dates and polling venues based on the constituencies that they are in. It also gives extensive information about our election process, our government structure, the responsibilities of the elected representatives at various levels and a lot of other useful stuff that we might have read about in our Civics classes in school, but didn't care enough to understand then. Now is the time to revise it all.

Everyone, and I mean Everyone - please be a little more alert and aware about your surroundings. If there are security restrictions set up in your area of residence or work or recreation - please comply with them. Make their jobs and your lives a little easier. The underground subways in New York city have these posters in the stations and in the trains - "If you see something, say something." Let's follow that ourselves. Between paranoid and dead, what do you think is the better option?

To the innocent victims of those attacks - I'm sorry this had to happen to you. It was not fair. There's nothing that I can say or do that'll make things easier for your families. But I pray for them and you as I do for my own and me. God bless us all. Amen.

~K.

*************************************************************************************

What can we do? Here's what some people say -

Parul- She's linked to a few sites and posts herself... Do check those out too.

Mumbaihelps- Some links in this blog as well... Check this for example.

Stop Terrorism- Please! And don't forget to register.

Stay safe!

Ice Ice Baby!

Having a bad day? Feel like blowing off your lid? Or maybe knocking someone down?

When anger strikes... Pop some ice into your mouth!

I swear it works like magic. Trust me. It did right now.
If only I'd known this earlier, I'd have saved myself some broken glasses, a nearly broken cell phone and some things that I'm not really proud of. Basically a whole lot of trouble.

I still don't say I've learnt the art of Anger Management. It remains to be one of the ever elusive things in my life. (Another being perfect abs!). But I do think that I've got the key to delay the impulsive explosions that I've been having in the past. Hallelujah!

Life... is kinda nice. :)

~K.

psst - Jag... Bhai you're the best! Ab kuchh instant abs ke liye bhi bata de... :D