Living the Dream

If anyone was to make a movie or paint a picture or write a book about wishes coming true, I'd be the poster girl for it. Totally!

For as long as I can remember, I've got what I've wished for - studying Engineering, working in IT industry, living independently, International travel, finding love. Of course they've all taken time and effort - in most cases unconscious effort; because ironically - I've never believed in wishes as much as I've believed in work.

Through all of this, there was this long held desire, which I used to put off as not just ambitious but also vain - of teaching. I'd mentioned it in a few earlier posts and talked about it to some friends in the kind of conversations you remember even years later. I must admit, the idea was probably planted by the movie - "To Sir, With Love". And that may also be why it seemed vain and fantastical at the time, because .. well.. Sidney Poitier! But what was not so (and the credit for this would go to a vast number of people in my life), was the notion of good education being the solution to a whole lot of maladies.

Last year, when a friend told me about "this organization" called Teach For India - TFI for short - www.teachforindia.org; (Yes. I have pretty cool friends!) it simultaneously served as a reminder of all those conversations and an invitation to put my words to action. It was like a mysterious Karmic confluence was bringing all the broken pieces together. And hey, who am I to refuse this crazy, cosmic force when it comes calling?

Ergo - TFI.

So here I am - 2016 Teaching Fellow at Teach For India, about to start my Fellowship in a little more than 2 weeks, and still trying to come to terms with my job description. Thanks to a short volunteering stint, I've seen the perfect trailer of the routine, the challenges that lie ahead and the opportunities that we'll have to bring about a positive change. I've realized that if I am lucky, a student will allow me a glimpse into her life - touching my own in the process.

My occupational hazards have changed from laptop glare to chalk dust and mind-numbing frustration to, quite possibly, heart-breaking despair. But I'm thankful for the chance and proud to have signed up for it!

I think that wish of getting lost and looking and finding something may be on its way home too. I say it's about time!

Love, luck and hope.

~K.

ps: I read this quote by Rumi today - "What you seek is seeking you." Um.. if that's indeed true, someone should probably prepare the kids for what's coming their way. ;-)

Until later,

~K.

Status call

Remember this - ?
Five Things Planned for the Next Five Years
1. Study.
2. Get into a field of work I can relate to.
3. Read a classic.
4. Fall in love.
5. Stay 24.

Let's see where I am on these -

Study - I vaguely remember something about this... this.. "thing". Studying is now confined to reading the many PDF and document files and more such for my certifications. I could pull out a sigh after this. But that'll only make me feel like a loser. So, sigh suppressed.

Field of work - Let's not even get there. That's out of bounds to everyone (including me). Sigh still suppressed. :P

Read a classic - Well I read Nineteen Eighty Four. And All Quiet on the Western Front. And The Lord of The Rings. These days I'm reading a biography of The Beatles! and Gitanjali by Rabindranath Tagore. All classics in their fields.
Read a classic - Check!

Fall in love - Here is where I struck gold! I did. And well... not just once. And life has changed ever since. I have changed ever since. I like to think I've grown up. (More on this when I talk about the fifth point in the above list.) I even came to realize that I need not just love but a little sense of pride as well. And while I can compromise a little on the former, there's no way I'd give up even an ounce of the latter! What's more - I can strive to earn the pride, but the love must come irrespective of that.
Oh.. and yes.. I need to see some of myself being transferred to the other person the way I take in some of him.
Anyway... Fall in love - Check!

Stay 24 - I have no idea how to gauge that... While I think I grew up a little, some of my friends claim I never even reached 24. I think I'd be a part of the "Ageless body; Timeless mind" gang. I doubt if I look my age. And well... I never know what time it is... :P I could also be vice versa.. because my mind doesn't seem to know my age. And my body has little clue of time. Never mind. :P
I'll still take it as a success though. Because you see, the point was not growing old!
Stay 24 - Check!

My score until now- 3/5. Not bad I'd say. I have 2 more years to go to get the remaining 2 checks. Do-able! Or so I hope... :D

I owe a lot more to this space. Change seems to be the theme of the year 2008. More on that later. I have a lot of time these days.. I'll keep writing in. :-)

Meanwhile... haffun!


Cheers!
~K.

Niiiiice

Was looking for something and found something else... Liked what I found and hence here it is...

Definition of run -

Main Entry:	run
Part of Speech:	verb
Definition:	To move swiftly on foot so that both feet leave the ground during each stride.

I always knew I could fly... That's one item off my 'To do' list... Oh what a glorious weekend! :)


~K.

2007!!!

Gone... out of the window... lost somewhere in the thin air. And I didn't even realize when it went away. It feels like just yesterday that I was wishing people a Happy 2007 and wondering where 2006 had gone.

And where DID 2007 go? Spending late nights at work and shuttling between Shols and M-city (my two office locations back in Chennai) through the first quarter and a half (now tell me how long was that.. ;-) ). Then zipped in to Stamford. A storm in a teacup... that's exactly what it was. Another 3 months gone. Change of scene - Moved to Seattle. Beautiful place. Very scenic. But kinda grey. Some more reds and oranges and yellows would have done it. But well, never mind. Peace and quiet in the hillside after that. Next thing I remember is November and December which again flew past ending in the 31st when I sat down thinking about all this.

Anyway... back to where I was. Irrespective of how I've celebrated New Year's eve - whether roaming around in the streets of Manhattan or just quietly sleeping the night away, I have almost always spent December 31st wondering where the hell the whole year went. Oh well... the wonder-ful person that I am, I did my share of wondering this year as well (or should it be last year). And like all other years, I decided to make the best out of the new one coming my way. And I'm so sure I will spend December 31st 2008 in the same retrospective mood that I am so used to.

A couple of things that I want to do in this year -
1. Write a couple of articles in Hindi. I think in English now... gotta stay in tune with our Raashtra Bhaasha. It's so rich!
2. Learn to cycle. (I couldn't have made the fact more public... but well... I can't cycle... tee hee)
3. Ride a cycle on the Golden Gate bridge or at least on Pier 39. (I might get scared on the bridge)
4. Go for sky diving.
5. Read a couple of long pending books.
6. Watch some more Broadway shows.
7. Buy a nice evening dress and wear it. Not just at the shop in the trial room but also wear it to someplace nice.

Hoo boy.. Let me not get too carried away. If I put a lot of these action items here, end of 2008 is going to be really troublesome. Will keep myself in check while I can.

You all have a wonderful and satisfying year! Live a beautiful life. Stay happy, healthy and fit!

Cheers!!


~K.

The case of the missing appetite...

I wonder what was the last thing that I did because I really wanted to do it. And I don't mean eating or drinking something or something else of the kind. I mean really doing something.

Let me do a quick retrospection - I had really wanted to do engineering. Well, I did it. Only to realize that I could have done better than doing a B.Tech. When in school, I had wanted to work in some nice, big and reputed Software firm. Well, here I am now. Only to wonder what I was thinking when I made that wish. I learnt music, even without knowing how much I loved it. So, I don't know if I can count that as my own achievement. I had wanted to write. Again, here I am, writing, to no real end but at least writing.

I had really wanted to do an MBA, and then get into some field that I could relate to more than these bits and bytes that I am dealing with now. And somewhere in the recent past I thought I'd give up this crazy corporate world and rather study things that I really love - Language, Music, Arts. And maybe sometime know enough of these things to be able to teach a few people about them.

Wishing and wanting is fine. And is maybe the first step. But where is the hunger that will make me quit what I am doing now and run towards these wishes? I remember having that once. I still trust myself enough to know it hasn't completely died out. I still hope that this trust is not a consolation I'm giving myself. I keep telling myself that me having that thought itself is a sign that things aren't completely lost yet. How long will I continue to thrive on this consolation is something I don't want to know. But the way things are going, the answer is not too comforting.

I recently purchased one of those fridge magnets which give you something to think about. This one has a quote by Emily Dickinson which says - "Dwell in possibility". I do. I need another magnet which tells me to make possibility a reality. Maybe then I'll get there too.


~K.

It's all a lie....

People say it's a small world... It's not. It's huge...
Don't trust that statement.

It's not a small world....

~K.

Playing Cinderella..

This is my 3rd weekend here... and the 1st that I'm actually spending in good (??) ol' Stamford... and with nothing to do and nowhere to go it becomes a lil tough to spend time. And there's just this much that you can watch TV or surf the net looking for absolutely nothing. And in a country like US which has 4 time zones, you gotta check your watch before you call friends in other zones.. (esp those in opposite coasts) So... what did I do?
Went to Macy's. God bless that store!! I just went around the store trying dresses I had no intention of buying or couldn't afford even if I wanted to buy!!! Man... I must have tried some of the prettiest things I've ever worn in my life. Way out of my budget. But so wonderful that I actually thought of saving until I can afford them. Sigh.... I wish I could have taken a snap in all of those beautiful dresses. Don't think I can go again tomorrow... will probably try some other store... ;-)
Anyway.. until the next "trial" comes along.... hmmm... sweet dreams, princess!!


~K.

Cuidado! Piso Mojado

That's one of the first warnings that you get when you land in the US... provided you visit the restroom that is. What does it mean? Caution! Wet Floor. :)

Oh well, here I am, back again in the US. For the third time. This time in Connecticut. Just 40 miles North of one of my favourite cities in the world, NYC. What's more? I might be relocated to another place during the course of my stay here in the US.
When I was coming here, my thoughts ran way back to my childhood days... As a kid, I wanted to travel a lot. I wonder now if I should have asked for money. Anyway, here's the moral... wishes do come true. If you are smart, you provide the extent (or scale) of realization of your wish in the wish itself. (something like - I want to travel for a maximum of 100000 miles for a maximum of 10 years). And you'll be more specific in terms of the company you want with you. (hint - I want to travel with my mom and dad and sis and bro-in-law and nephew and friends.. something like that). Want more? How about the mode of travel and how much you want to pay out of your own pocket and where you want to stay? Well well.. I think you are getting the hint now.

For the "well" wishers (pun intended), that's something to rejoice about. Just don't forget that warning though - Cuidado! Piso Mojado!!


~K.

Dreams - one a penny.

Dreams...
Amazing little things arent they? Keep coming and going inside your head. And some of them manage to stay inside.
The thing to figure out is... how do you know which ones to cherish as nice, pleasant thoughts and which ones to start chasing? How do you know the dream will be just as beautiful as reality as it is otherwise? What if you spend a lifetime chasing your dream, working hard to materialise it only to realize it wasn't worth it?

On the flip side, how do you get rid of a dream that's planted in your head? How do you let go of the beauty... the strength... the happiness that this dream brought along with it? How do you not reach out to that happiness and make it yours knowing all the while that if you don't, it's lost forever?

I read somewhere today... on a billboard... If it's worth a dream, it's not worth a sacrifice.
Wrong thing to read man. And at way too wrong a time. It kinda set back my "renovations" by ... hmmm... quite a period of time.
Maybe I'm better off dreaming about my Mustang, and my houses and my dogs and food rather than anything else. Maybe it is as material a world as it is made out to be. Who knows...

~K.

You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one.

kab se hoon, kya bataun ...

.. jahaan-e-kharaab mein...
shab-e-hai hijra ko bhi rakhun gar hisaab mein...

said Mirza Ghalib. I'm just quoting it. Translated, it means.. If I take into account the times of separation, it feels like an eternity that I've been in this miserable world...

Me.. I feel the same. I'm separated too. From the myriad dreams that I keep dreaming about. There's just so much that I want... to have... to do.. to be...

The following is an extract from my list of "I want..."
- to own a Mustang.
- to own (at least) 2 pet dogs.
- to own a nice, cozy and warm house in the hills, by a beach, by a river, in Delhi, in NY and somewhere in Rome... (with a nice garage for my Mustang!!) ;-)
- to have a big hall in my house with a home theatre system and watch all classic movies... (including Psycho)
- to study English literature, Arts, Music (both Indian and Western), History, Economics, Journalism, Marketing, Mathematics and Arabic.
- to be able to pack my bags and just travel.
- to sleep for at least 20 hours.
- to really celebrate with all the people I love.
- to sing 'The Great Gig In The Sky' (Pink Floyd) well at least once.
- to sing every other song and raaga well.
- to be able to play the guitar really well.
- to be able to dance well.
- to cook one good meal.
- to eat to my heart's content without getting fat.
- to read a good book.
- to write a good book.
- to swim in the sea.
- to have a clone to go to the office while I stay at home doing one of the things above.
- to get scared out of my wits once.
- to laugh out really loud.
- to play all the games/sports that I like to watch (including F1).
- to sky dive and bungee jump and parasail and paraglide.
- to fly an aeroplane.
- to shake myself out of routine.
- to shake people out of monotony.
- to make a difference.

.. and blah blah blah....

Sometimes I think it's too short a life for the amount of pleasures it offers. But then, I'd read somewhere.. if you want something bad enough... you just might get it!!
I know some of these things are crazy... some, not so...
But then.. that's how I am... half mad... half.. not so.

Cheers anyway!!

Keep smiling!!!

~K.

Hazaaron Khwaishein Kaisi?

Baanwra Man Dekhne Chala Ek Sapna.

Baanwre se man ki dekho baanwri hain baatein.
Baanwri si dhadhkanein hain baanwri hain saansein
Baanwri si karwaton se nindiya kyon bhaage
Baanwre se nain chahein baanwre jharokhon se baanwre nazaaron to takna.

Baanwri se is jahaan mein baanwra ek saathho
Is sayaani bheed mein bas haathon mein tera haath ho
Baanwri si dhun ho koi baanwra ek raag ho
Baanwre se pair chahein baanwre taraanon ke baanwre se bol pe thirakna.

Baanwra sa ho andhera baanwri khamoshiyaan
Thartharaati lau ho maddham baanwri madhoshiyaan
Baanwra ek ghunghta chahe haule haule bin bataaye
Baanwre se mukhde se sarakna.


-- From the movie Hazaaron Khwaishein Aisi.

Confessions of a Romanticist...

Life… is just another waste of time.
Roger Waters had the right idea, I think. Imagine what all you could do with all this time if you didn’t have to “live”. There’s so much to learn, so much to explore, to discover. Imagine the bliss if you could at any point in time, just pack your bags and set out to… wherever… whenever. Want to make it simpler? Forget the bag. Learn from the birds… fly light. And just fly. The world has more to show and teach than what we could “learn” in a lifetime. Yet we keep chasing the conventions of the institutions that we’ve created ourselves in our pursuit of what we think is knowledge. What makes us think that we know all that there is to know? Rather.. that we can provide ourselves with all that we’ll ever need to learn. Ultimately what we end up doing is making the most and/or the best of what we’ve gathered. Which is good.. in a way. But then, take another look at it. Aren’t we somehow… somewhere… consciously or unconsciously blinding ourselves to the plethora of things that we could discover only if we cared to look?
Learn… for what? Discover… for what? Good questions. Practical ones I must admit. A man gotta eat too. And breed.. and feed… and… what was that… live. Maybe you could go that way. And let all this beauty in the world go unnoticed. Or maybe… almost so. You do keep catching glimpses of it on the television… on mails… on posters… and calendars… and so on and so forth. Funny… and ironical that our view of real life is out there… (or rather.. in there) in mere… lifeless… things. But then, if such a constricted.. second hand view can fill us up with so much joy… imagine what is actually contained in the world outside. Waiting for us. If only we weren’t so busy with our lives.
Whew!

Ps: I wish Pandora had left alone that box of troubles. Unnecessary little things. Keep you away from so much more.

~K.

Wishin' And Hopin' n Blah Blah Blah'in...

Ever imagined what it would feel like playing scrabble in Chinese.. or maybe Japanese. But then.. doesn’t make much of a difference. They’re both Greek to me.
But coming back to scrabble… imagine this.. a game you would like to participate in… coz you probably like it… or maybe you could help a player win… only if could figure out what the symbols meant.
And how do I know? Oh well… part of my job… I get a good chance of imagining all that at work… at meetings, or some general discussions, or some knowledge sharing sessions. That’s when I slip into a world of my own. And when reality dawns, I realize the advantage of knowing a foreign language. Or rather, knowing the local language in a foreign land.
The other day I’d gone to a friend’s place for lunch. Her mom was asking me how come I still hadn’t picked up the local lingo, considering I’ve been staying here for more than a year now. And what do I say to her – I never felt the need. Which is true. Never felt the need outside office. But at work.. I wish there was some kind of a device which I could implant in my brain which would translate all what is being said around me. My personal interpreter. (Only thing to take care of… it shouldn’t be something that translated “Dunston Checks In” to “Ek bandar Hotel ke andar”… )
Food for thought for all the scientifically inclined…
For the linguistically inclined, however, there’s more in store here at status quo.
Coz if you look at it from another point of view, it does have some benefits.. not knowing the local language. It builds your creativity. How? You hear something like blah blah blah K (that’s me) blah blah work blah blah … schedule blah blah blah… Now it’s all left to my imagination how I want to fill up those blah blah blah’s. Never did I think being a techie would also help my creativity grow. Talk about perks!!
Another benefit - how else would I realize that the concepts that seem so tough when stated in English would sound even tougher in another language? I’ve got it made! Hah! Poor blokes! Imagine having to work even harder for the same thing which already drives me up the wall when I do it in plain simple (?) English.
I suppose I should revisit my wish list. That device I was talking about.. oh well.. will think of something more worthwhile. Things are so much more convenient like this. And anyway, who needs to know what’s whining in the grapevine? And to fill those blah blah blah’s – hmmm… how does eggzellent sound?

~K.