So it turns out that last days at work aren't quite as dramatic as I had thought. There's no music playing in the background, no montage of significant moments projected anywhere, depending on the time or place - there may not even be anyone seeing you off. It turns out that the entire rush of sentimentality that I was imagining was exactly that - imaginary.
It's just another day that you exit the office. Perhaps through a different gate. Perhaps in a different mood. But the same scene as any other day. The only difference might be the route that you choose to take on the way back home.
As in the case of life, it's only your circle who is affected or interested.
All goes to show how closely a part of life can resemble life itself.
C'est la vie!
~K.
Showing posts with label yada yada. Show all posts
Showing posts with label yada yada. Show all posts
Monday, July 20, 2015
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Odd One Out!
Some of my friends are of the opinion that the Retail Industry owes its existence to women. Oh well... I must be what they call the black sheep. Oh don't get me wrong... it's not that I can't shop. When it comes to buying gifts for people, I can do that with my eyes closed. (Not literally of course, but you know what I mean) But send me to a mall to shop for myself and all I can do is go from store to store looking at stuff... not buying anything... a little pissed with myself, but happy that I'm at least burning calories!
I'm back in the US now. And last weekend I set out to do some serious shopping. No.. seriously! There wasn't anything specific on my agenda. But I did have a couple of nice occasions which deserved some nice gifts. So Sourav and I spent almost a whole day store-hopping and what did we finally return home with? Umm... some groceries, some supplies, some liquor, a couple of books and a couple of movie DVD's from Blockbuster. And not that I didn't look (or was forced to look) for anything for myself. Everything was either too fashionable (where do you think I'll wear that dress?) or too uncomfortable (not THOSE heels!) or just too expensive (300 bucks for that stupid necklace??!! When have you seen me wearing jewelery??) !!! Again, it's not that I don't have a reason to buy stuff for myself... Or (for a change) the money. I do. But aahhh... I'm finally beginning to admit that I just don't have the wits to shop for myself!
If I could, the only thing I'd ever buy for myself or spend any of "money-for-me" for would be in one of these categories - Dining (Food and ahem... Drinks!), Travel (My absolute favourite activity!) and Entertainment (Concerts and Shows.. esp Broadway!). These are the things that make life simple. And enjoyable. And so much fun!
I know some of my friends are smiling or maybe laughing while reading this. They know this is how I am, how I've been all my life. Some of them have been hoping for some time that I'll change a little. Well, I haven't. I'll let this be my confession to the Fashion industry and end it at that. What I'm glad about, meanwhile, is that life continues to be beautiful even when you're dressed out of style! :-)
Peace on earth!
Love always,
~K.
I'm back in the US now. And last weekend I set out to do some serious shopping. No.. seriously! There wasn't anything specific on my agenda. But I did have a couple of nice occasions which deserved some nice gifts. So Sourav and I spent almost a whole day store-hopping and what did we finally return home with? Umm... some groceries, some supplies, some liquor, a couple of books and a couple of movie DVD's from Blockbuster. And not that I didn't look (or was forced to look) for anything for myself. Everything was either too fashionable (where do you think I'll wear that dress?) or too uncomfortable (not THOSE heels!) or just too expensive (300 bucks for that stupid necklace??!! When have you seen me wearing jewelery??) !!! Again, it's not that I don't have a reason to buy stuff for myself... Or (for a change) the money. I do. But aahhh... I'm finally beginning to admit that I just don't have the wits to shop for myself!
If I could, the only thing I'd ever buy for myself or spend any of "money-for-me" for would be in one of these categories - Dining (Food and ahem... Drinks!), Travel (My absolute favourite activity!) and Entertainment (Concerts and Shows.. esp Broadway!). These are the things that make life simple. And enjoyable. And so much fun!
I know some of my friends are smiling or maybe laughing while reading this. They know this is how I am, how I've been all my life. Some of them have been hoping for some time that I'll change a little. Well, I haven't. I'll let this be my confession to the Fashion industry and end it at that. What I'm glad about, meanwhile, is that life continues to be beautiful even when you're dressed out of style! :-)
Peace on earth!
Love always,
~K.
Wednesday, July 02, 2008
Black or White
It's funny how sometimes we either want everything or not have anything to do with at all. Like a binary system of 0's and 1's. Like a child who wants all or nothing. Anything in between is just... in between. And in between is not good enough. Reminds me of a Jim Morrison quote - "The highs and the lows are the most important points in one's life. Anything else... is just... in between."
I used to consider that a little childish.. a little immature.. maybe even a little self centered. Until I caught myself doing it. Not just once. But in almost every facet of my life.
I first noticed it in my guitar lessons. If I couldn't play the guitar the way I wanted to hear a guitar being played... then I wouldn't play it. Then again in my expressions... if I couldn't express myself as freely as (I thought) I could in English... then I wouldn't talk. (No wonder the article in Hindi has still not made its appearance here. I've a handicap!). What's more... remember that bicycle I have still not been able to ride... if I can't ride it the way I picture myself riding it... then let it remain parked forever.
And the scope doesn't stay limited to me. It moves into my social sphere as well. At work... if I can't be the best at whatever I am doing... then I don't want to do it. In my friendships and my relationships... if I can't be to a person what he or she is to me... I seem to withdraw.
All said and done, even though that is my first reaction to all such circumstances, there remain a few things on which I generally push on a little more than others. That social sphere stuff is among those few things. It takes more than just the first panic attack to make me give up. Maybe it's the fear of what I stand to lose. Or of having to start all over with nothing at all. And... well... singing is another. That's another thing for which I can accept a shade of gray.
I used to consider that a little childish.. a little immature.. maybe even a little self centered. Until I caught myself doing it. Not just once. But in almost every facet of my life.
I first noticed it in my guitar lessons. If I couldn't play the guitar the way I wanted to hear a guitar being played... then I wouldn't play it. Then again in my expressions... if I couldn't express myself as freely as (I thought) I could in English... then I wouldn't talk. (No wonder the article in Hindi has still not made its appearance here. I've a handicap!). What's more... remember that bicycle I have still not been able to ride... if I can't ride it the way I picture myself riding it... then let it remain parked forever.
And the scope doesn't stay limited to me. It moves into my social sphere as well. At work... if I can't be the best at whatever I am doing... then I don't want to do it. In my friendships and my relationships... if I can't be to a person what he or she is to me... I seem to withdraw.
All said and done, even though that is my first reaction to all such circumstances, there remain a few things on which I generally push on a little more than others. That social sphere stuff is among those few things. It takes more than just the first panic attack to make me give up. Maybe it's the fear of what I stand to lose. Or of having to start all over with nothing at all. And... well... singing is another. That's another thing for which I can accept a shade of gray.
And maybe that's what I need to realize. That Jim Morrison may have been right in what he said, but it's the in-betweens that let us relax between the excitement and the stress of highs and lows. That 0's and 1's may be able to define nearly everything, but fractions have their place too. That the perfect black and white picture has shades of gray blending beautifully from light to dark and vice versa.
Maybe I'll wake up to find that I already know this. And how to play the guitar really well. And how to ride the bicycle as well. That's a good thought to go to bed with.
Love, luck and hope -
~K.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Blblblblblbl...
That's my word for 'Gibberish'. It's a noun. It's what happens when a million thoughts are running inside my head in a random, disorganized fashion. And when I try to stream them into a piece of structured, sensible, purposeful expression, written or verbal, typically a 'blblblblbll' is what comes out.
After a long time, here's one.
A couple of weeks ago, I attended this session on "Art of Living". I went there simply because I was curious. The session (if not the art itself) was interesting, to say the least. As a part of that session, the instructor asked us to close our eyes and just concentrate. On our surroundings, the noises outside, then ourselves, where we were sitting, then on our body, the various parts of it starting from the toes gradually moving up to our head.
Next he asked us to concentrate on the thoughts inside our brain. And that is when I realized how many there were. I could see those tiny little things scurrying inside my head, each trying to grab my attention, as if they were all jealous of the others. And the funny thing is, I knew exactly what all of those thoughts were. And even where they originated from.
Finally he asked us to concentrate on our emotions. And that was where I got lost. I could not understand what I was feeling. Apart from the fact that I wanted to pee, there was no trace of any of the feelings I have known until now. Happiness, grief, anger, regret, guilt - nothing. And that's when more thoughts came into my head. Have I become stoned to emotions? Or have I become so scared to feel that I have gone into a state of denial? Or more practically - Does physical discomfort override the emotions that may be present inside us?
Looking back, I don't think my state of emotional blankness was because of the first two points. I dismissed those thoughts as those which strike you in a state of panic. That brings us to the third (assuming that I was simply not feeling anything and there was really no reason to make a blog out of that). Anyway, what I'm now trying to figure out is this - Are we driven by our emotions or our physical sensations? I extend this question from I to we, because I consider myself quite the average, ordinary kind of a person. So I present these questions for all of us to consider. Between the mind and the body - who rules whom? And, most importantly, which one of these two is us? Am I, for instance, my mind or my body? If I am only one of them, what happens when the other one gains power over the I? Do I lose myself? Or am I just transformed into something that I was hitherto not?
Ah well... that is what a blblblbbll is. I could submit it to the Oxford lexicons if only I could standardize the number of b's and l's in it.
Meanwhile, let me borrow some words from Nirvana to seal this piece of writing off - I find it hard, it's hard to find. Well, whatever, never mind.
Believe me, if I could have said it better myself, I would have...
Love nevertheless,
~K.
After a long time, here's one.
A couple of weeks ago, I attended this session on "Art of Living". I went there simply because I was curious. The session (if not the art itself) was interesting, to say the least. As a part of that session, the instructor asked us to close our eyes and just concentrate. On our surroundings, the noises outside, then ourselves, where we were sitting, then on our body, the various parts of it starting from the toes gradually moving up to our head.
Next he asked us to concentrate on the thoughts inside our brain. And that is when I realized how many there were. I could see those tiny little things scurrying inside my head, each trying to grab my attention, as if they were all jealous of the others. And the funny thing is, I knew exactly what all of those thoughts were. And even where they originated from.
Finally he asked us to concentrate on our emotions. And that was where I got lost. I could not understand what I was feeling. Apart from the fact that I wanted to pee, there was no trace of any of the feelings I have known until now. Happiness, grief, anger, regret, guilt - nothing. And that's when more thoughts came into my head. Have I become stoned to emotions? Or have I become so scared to feel that I have gone into a state of denial? Or more practically - Does physical discomfort override the emotions that may be present inside us?
Looking back, I don't think my state of emotional blankness was because of the first two points. I dismissed those thoughts as those which strike you in a state of panic. That brings us to the third (assuming that I was simply not feeling anything and there was really no reason to make a blog out of that). Anyway, what I'm now trying to figure out is this - Are we driven by our emotions or our physical sensations? I extend this question from I to we, because I consider myself quite the average, ordinary kind of a person. So I present these questions for all of us to consider. Between the mind and the body - who rules whom? And, most importantly, which one of these two is us? Am I, for instance, my mind or my body? If I am only one of them, what happens when the other one gains power over the I? Do I lose myself? Or am I just transformed into something that I was hitherto not?
Ah well... that is what a blblblbbll is. I could submit it to the Oxford lexicons if only I could standardize the number of b's and l's in it.
Meanwhile, let me borrow some words from Nirvana to seal this piece of writing off - I find it hard, it's hard to find. Well, whatever, never mind.
Believe me, if I could have said it better myself, I would have...
Love nevertheless,
~K.
Thursday, December 20, 2007
The case of the missing appetite...
I wonder what was the last thing that I did because I really wanted to do it. And I don't mean eating or drinking something or something else of the kind. I mean really doing something.
Let me do a quick retrospection - I had really wanted to do engineering. Well, I did it. Only to realize that I could have done better than doing a B.Tech. When in school, I had wanted to work in some nice, big and reputed Software firm. Well, here I am now. Only to wonder what I was thinking when I made that wish. I learnt music, even without knowing how much I loved it. So, I don't know if I can count that as my own achievement. I had wanted to write. Again, here I am, writing, to no real end but at least writing.
I had really wanted to do an MBA, and then get into some field that I could relate to more than these bits and bytes that I am dealing with now. And somewhere in the recent past I thought I'd give up this crazy corporate world and rather study things that I really love - Language, Music, Arts. And maybe sometime know enough of these things to be able to teach a few people about them.
Wishing and wanting is fine. And is maybe the first step. But where is the hunger that will make me quit what I am doing now and run towards these wishes? I remember having that once. I still trust myself enough to know it hasn't completely died out. I still hope that this trust is not a consolation I'm giving myself. I keep telling myself that me having that thought itself is a sign that things aren't completely lost yet. How long will I continue to thrive on this consolation is something I don't want to know. But the way things are going, the answer is not too comforting.
I recently purchased one of those fridge magnets which give you something to think about. This one has a quote by Emily Dickinson which says - "Dwell in possibility". I do. I need another magnet which tells me to make possibility a reality. Maybe then I'll get there too.
~K.
Let me do a quick retrospection - I had really wanted to do engineering. Well, I did it. Only to realize that I could have done better than doing a B.Tech. When in school, I had wanted to work in some nice, big and reputed Software firm. Well, here I am now. Only to wonder what I was thinking when I made that wish. I learnt music, even without knowing how much I loved it. So, I don't know if I can count that as my own achievement. I had wanted to write. Again, here I am, writing, to no real end but at least writing.
I had really wanted to do an MBA, and then get into some field that I could relate to more than these bits and bytes that I am dealing with now. And somewhere in the recent past I thought I'd give up this crazy corporate world and rather study things that I really love - Language, Music, Arts. And maybe sometime know enough of these things to be able to teach a few people about them.
Wishing and wanting is fine. And is maybe the first step. But where is the hunger that will make me quit what I am doing now and run towards these wishes? I remember having that once. I still trust myself enough to know it hasn't completely died out. I still hope that this trust is not a consolation I'm giving myself. I keep telling myself that me having that thought itself is a sign that things aren't completely lost yet. How long will I continue to thrive on this consolation is something I don't want to know. But the way things are going, the answer is not too comforting.
I recently purchased one of those fridge magnets which give you something to think about. This one has a quote by Emily Dickinson which says - "Dwell in possibility". I do. I need another magnet which tells me to make possibility a reality. Maybe then I'll get there too.
~K.
Sunday, December 16, 2007
I'm back... and how!
It's been about a million years since I last updated my blog... And I've been told to drink more coffee if not resume thinking my own stuff to post on this... So well.. here I am.. trying to make up for the last (lost) 2 months (million years!!).
This is how life has been in the roller coaster since October -
November -
1. Lots of e-running around and chasing mail id's and processes and systems for getting a confirmed date for my Visa stamping appearance in Chennai for December. And why? Only to prevent my home-going trip from being jeopardized by "Project Requirements"... Oh Boss... the things that one has to do to get some work done.
2. Billy Joel concert. Followed by Process Cert exam (which I thankfully cleared!) and a helluva crazy Diwali celebration... comprising a temple visit, free food at the temple, firecrackers (again) at the temple, gambling at home, general singing and dancing (at home again!). Basically taking care of the "Life" part of "Work / Life Balance" :D
3. Friends visiting and Visiting friends!! In 3 subsequent weekends. Diwali weekend, the one after that and then for Thanksgiving. What more can one ask for? :-)
4. Thanksgiving - This one almost deserves a post of its own. Let's see what justice I can do in 1 paragraph - Car accident (a leeetle more than a Fender Bender). Trip to Portland. A bit of Late night Thanksgiving shopping. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall! Late night party. More shopping next day. More partying in the evening! Still more shopping and partying the next day! This is what happens when 9 crazy people meet for an extended weekend in 1 house!
5. Nov end - Homeward bound on Nov 30th! Aaaaahhhh.. Heaven!
December -
1. Reached Delhi late night on 1st. Early hours of 2nd.
2. Attended my beeeeshhht friend's wedding on 2nd.
3. Short trip to Chennai on 3rd - Missed a flight. Got another ticket. Reached office. Met a LOT of friends. Talked a LOT to all of them. Went out for dinner with friends. Got my visa stamped the next day. Again went to office and met friends and talked to them and went out for dinner.
4. Back in Delhi the next day. Family Reunion at home. What more can I say... :-)
5. Off to Nainital for my sister's wedding. Wonnnnnderful time. Will put up some pics here maybe.
6. Back in Delhi again. Lots of shopping. Lots of eating. And Lots of packing.
7. Flight back to US. Me and Mom!
8. Yesterday - Reached Seattle safely. Me and Mom and our luggage. And we shall live happily ever after... At least for the next 3 months..
That's how my calendar has been since I last signed into my blogspot. And that's about it for now. There'll be more. If not about me then about this lovely lady who's come to stay with me leaving her own home behind in land far far away! We hope to have fun. And we hope that the weather doesn't play spoil sport. And if it does, then we'll head off to warmer places in the country. Last thing that I need to pray for now is less work and more holidays!! :-)
Amen.
More later!
~K.
This is how life has been in the roller coaster since October -
November -
1. Lots of e-running around and chasing mail id's and processes and systems for getting a confirmed date for my Visa stamping appearance in Chennai for December. And why? Only to prevent my home-going trip from being jeopardized by "Project Requirements"... Oh Boss... the things that one has to do to get some work done.
2. Billy Joel concert. Followed by Process Cert exam (which I thankfully cleared!) and a helluva crazy Diwali celebration... comprising a temple visit, free food at the temple, firecrackers (again) at the temple, gambling at home, general singing and dancing (at home again!). Basically taking care of the "Life" part of "Work / Life Balance" :D
3. Friends visiting and Visiting friends!! In 3 subsequent weekends. Diwali weekend, the one after that and then for Thanksgiving. What more can one ask for? :-)
4. Thanksgiving - This one almost deserves a post of its own. Let's see what justice I can do in 1 paragraph - Car accident (a leeetle more than a Fender Bender). Trip to Portland. A bit of Late night Thanksgiving shopping. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall! Late night party. More shopping next day. More partying in the evening! Still more shopping and partying the next day! This is what happens when 9 crazy people meet for an extended weekend in 1 house!
5. Nov end - Homeward bound on Nov 30th! Aaaaahhhh.. Heaven!
December -
1. Reached Delhi late night on 1st. Early hours of 2nd.
2. Attended my beeeeshhht friend's wedding on 2nd.
3. Short trip to Chennai on 3rd - Missed a flight. Got another ticket. Reached office. Met a LOT of friends. Talked a LOT to all of them. Went out for dinner with friends. Got my visa stamped the next day. Again went to office and met friends and talked to them and went out for dinner.
4. Back in Delhi the next day. Family Reunion at home. What more can I say... :-)
5. Off to Nainital for my sister's wedding. Wonnnnnderful time. Will put up some pics here maybe.
6. Back in Delhi again. Lots of shopping. Lots of eating. And Lots of packing.
7. Flight back to US. Me and Mom!
8. Yesterday - Reached Seattle safely. Me and Mom and our luggage. And we shall live happily ever after... At least for the next 3 months..
That's how my calendar has been since I last signed into my blogspot. And that's about it for now. There'll be more. If not about me then about this lovely lady who's come to stay with me leaving her own home behind in land far far away! We hope to have fun. And we hope that the weather doesn't play spoil sport. And if it does, then we'll head off to warmer places in the country. Last thing that I need to pray for now is less work and more holidays!! :-)
Amen.
More later!
~K.
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Happiness is (also)...
... a mighty tough job.
Or so I'm learning....
All the books I'd read had taught me that happiness was a matter of choice... You just choose to be happy. That was all there was to it. Apparently. I'd like to speak to Mr. Norman Vincent Peale.. It was some of his books, I think, which filled my head with such ummm... utopia-n (??) thoughts. Well, Mr. P... you were wrong!
While the simple joys of life I'd written about earlier do bring a smile to your face, and give you a certain calmness in the otherwise hectic and crazy lives that we lead and all that jazz, they do not give you the happiness that lasts. The satisfaction is still missing from them. Ever had your head and heart pulling you apart in different directions? Something as simple as wanting something real bad, but not being able to afford it. Or being caught helpless in a now-or-don't-know-when situation.
Unfortunately, life keeps giving you such battlegrounds every now and then. Oh well, I can fight when the enemy is outside. Not within. I can't fight my own self. And unfortunately again, I seem to have this split personality... this alter ego maybe, which keeps pushing me to choices like these. If only life came with a users' manual... I would have had something to refer to!!
I wish I could have simply declared - "We want the world and we want it. Now." The way Jim Morrison did. And I wish just that declaration could really give me the world. Or at least MY world. The way I want it.... Oh but then... which one of me? The Dumb or the Dumber? Bah... forget it. Some fights don't get over I guess.
Never mind... I guess I'll play around with those simple things... which are said to constitute life. Just a little longer though. At least until the time when my selves reconcile with each other instead of just agreeing to disagree. And I hope it happens soon. The rules of English grammar said that I is a singular noun. I'd like to live it that way....
~K (& K).
ps: I'm reading LOTR these days... Remember Smeagol and Gollum? At least they would agree with me... ;-)
And well... current music - When the Music's over... by Jim Morrison.
Bye for now. Turn off the lights! :-)
Love,
~K.
Or so I'm learning....
All the books I'd read had taught me that happiness was a matter of choice... You just choose to be happy. That was all there was to it. Apparently. I'd like to speak to Mr. Norman Vincent Peale.. It was some of his books, I think, which filled my head with such ummm... utopia-n (??) thoughts. Well, Mr. P... you were wrong!
While the simple joys of life I'd written about earlier do bring a smile to your face, and give you a certain calmness in the otherwise hectic and crazy lives that we lead and all that jazz, they do not give you the happiness that lasts. The satisfaction is still missing from them. Ever had your head and heart pulling you apart in different directions? Something as simple as wanting something real bad, but not being able to afford it. Or being caught helpless in a now-or-don't-know-when situation.
Unfortunately, life keeps giving you such battlegrounds every now and then. Oh well, I can fight when the enemy is outside. Not within. I can't fight my own self. And unfortunately again, I seem to have this split personality... this alter ego maybe, which keeps pushing me to choices like these. If only life came with a users' manual... I would have had something to refer to!!
I wish I could have simply declared - "We want the world and we want it. Now." The way Jim Morrison did. And I wish just that declaration could really give me the world. Or at least MY world. The way I want it.... Oh but then... which one of me? The Dumb or the Dumber? Bah... forget it. Some fights don't get over I guess.
Never mind... I guess I'll play around with those simple things... which are said to constitute life. Just a little longer though. At least until the time when my selves reconcile with each other instead of just agreeing to disagree. And I hope it happens soon. The rules of English grammar said that I is a singular noun. I'd like to live it that way....
~K (& K).
ps: I'm reading LOTR these days... Remember Smeagol and Gollum? At least they would agree with me... ;-)
And well... current music - When the Music's over... by Jim Morrison.
Bye for now. Turn off the lights! :-)
Love,
~K.
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
Learning to Fly...
One of the 5 things I wanted to do if I had the money was taking flying lessons.. Oh well, I did get some lessons last weekend.. even though this wasn't what I had in mind.
Let me share some of these here.
Let me set things straight - the scope of this article is NOT to get into the reasons that actually caused these learnings to come by. This is just to serve as a reminder of my ... ahem... let me call it.. a momentary lapse of reason. Just to ensure that I don't get into such a situation again.
Anyway, here goes... Things to remember when taking a flight to anywhere -
Let me share some of these here.
Let me set things straight - the scope of this article is NOT to get into the reasons that actually caused these learnings to come by. This is just to serve as a reminder of my ... ahem... let me call it.. a momentary lapse of reason. Just to ensure that I don't get into such a situation again.
Anyway, here goes... Things to remember when taking a flight to anywhere -
- Check the flight timing - Let me rephrase that a little - Don't just check the time... also whether it's AM or PM. You don't want to reach too early or too late. Both are equally bad. (Been there done that)
- Plan your travel to the airport - Depending on the typical traffic situation of the route you are going to take, include a 30 minute to 1 hour buffer in your travel time to the airport. It's okay to reach an hour earlier and wait at the airport than to reach in the nick of time, miss your flight and wait a lot more than just an hour for the next flight.
- Do a Web / Tele Check-In whenever possible - If you don't have any check in luggage, a web or a tele check in can make a world of difference. You get to skip the line to get the boarding pass and head straight to the security check line; where you can also, incidentally, ask to be accommodated earlier if you are too close to your flight's departure time.
- Travel light - It's best if you can do without any piece of baggage to be checked in. If so, your Web/Tele Check in can do wonders for you.
- Check your options (just in case) - If you still do manage to miss your flight (I wouldn't be the one blaming you), be sure to check all your options. The list may include buying a new ticket, getting yourself rebooked or even cancelling your ticket. Be informed with all options and the time and cost impact of each. Make sure you count your money and make the right decision. I was thankful for the salary getting credited on time before finding myself stranded at the airport. Next time I may not be that lucky.
- Count your blessings - That, I think, is the most important and should underline all the troubled situations you land in (even those involving a broken ipod ;-)). Blessings could mean having money in the account. It could mean having friends you can call at 11 in the night, 2 in the night, 6 in the morning and so on (Remember 24 hour friendship?). It could mean having a nice book to read while spending your time in an airport terminal. It could also mean finally being able to reach your destinations instead of never being able to travel. There are a million things that are still right with the world even if a couple of them are not. Remember to be thankful for those. I still am. :-)
Hmmm.. that's the list for now. Something tells me I should take a print of this and hang it somewhere near me so that I always know things to do and those not to do. And given the number of times I keep traveling to places, something like this is one of the best gifts I can give to myself!!
That felt good. I hope I have better, safer and more punctual journeys from now on.... Bon Voyage!
~K.
Friday, July 06, 2007
I've come to look for America....
Pride -
Day before yesterday was the 4th of July.. Or should I say THE 4th of July. And like most of the typical tourists, I went to NYC to watch the fireworks. Let me add for the sake of information, my current state is somewhat handicapped as I have a sprained ankle (courtesy tennis) and though it happened last Sunday, I still hobble along my way with a slight limp.
Now, back to ummmm.... yesterday. Me and about 15 of my other colleagues went from Stamford to Manhattan for the fireworks. It was raining and we hoped that the display won't be cancelled. To our relief it wasn't. We were completely enraptured by the 30 minute show. The sky was bright with some lovely patterns - stars, cubes even smileys. :-) The way it was synchronized was, in one word, Brilliant! Suddenly there went a shot through the dark clouds and the next moment there was a burst of light above us. Looked like a really close view of the stars. And we felt like kids, clapping and cheering at all those lovely patterns. And after it was all over, I was left thinking - Here's a nation which takes pride in herself. And this is not just evident from the fireworks celebrating her independence. It's just about everywhere. It's in the way people live, work, the way they take care of their families and friends and even visitors like me. They show their best to the world, because that's what they believe they are.
All that long walk on the sprained ankle and standing to watch the fireworks for a half hour didn't feel as strenuous after all. And yes, I was impressed. So, Happy Birthday America!!!
*******
And Prejudice (??) -
Yesterday, the 5th, I was travelling from NYC to Miami. To meet my friend. (One of the best in the world!!) . I reached the airport well in time. And was waiting like all other passengers for the boarding to be announced. While I waited, I pulled out the book I had been reading - The Punjab Story. Finally, when the boarding was announced, I walked to the gate (with the still swollen ankle). Just before I reached the gate, a lady pulled me over for a security check. Not everyone was checked. I complied. They checked my laptop bag and my handbag. And I was frisked. I asked what the reason was for this "special treatment", but I was asked to proceed without an answer. Yes there were a few more in this line, but I couldn't quite make out the common factor. Was it because I was carrying 2 bags.. I don't think so. Was it because of the book I was reading? Or simply my Indian looks? I wouldn't know. 'Coz they never told me. And I was too disgusted to ask further questions.
And now, to all my very dear friends who have been trying to convince me to take up a job here and settle down in the US, this is my answer. I'd rather be a first class citizen in my own country even if I have to live with a few inconveniences here and there, than stay here in comfort, but never belong...
*******
... And Affection. -
Same day - July 5th. Seated next to me in my flight was an old gentleman, also going to Miami. He seemed to pick up conversations with utmost ease. And so I followed suit again. An interesting fellow I must say. He asked me where I was from; and when I told him I was from India, the conversation turned towards topics ranging from food to places in India to music in India (we even talked about Apache Indian!!) and even mindsets of Indian men and women. And let me clarify, it was him who was doing most of the talking. He had seemed a little flirtatious at first. Like most men here are. But flirting or not, he ended up giving me quite a few pieces of advice. Things that I always knew, but never really thought about. Coming right after the disparaging incident at the boarding gate, this was a most welcome change. And I thought - that's another face of the country called America.
All in all... not just a brick in the wall... but well... a wall for sure. And though the grass is much greener on the other side, it's a pasture I wouldn't really like to wander...
~K.
ps: the title is inspired from the S&G song - America.
Friday, June 29, 2007
I HATE music
I hate the power that it has over me. I hate the way it controls my display of emotions. Things that I would generally digest, music expels out of my system like an emetic.
If I listen to music when I'm happy, I get this unstoppable urge to sing loudly and dance. And I cant sit straight in the office anymore. If I listen to music when I'm sad or feeling lonely, I get depressed. I think of all things that make me sad and then I cry. And I refuse to see the happiness that I might have around me.
People who claim that music brings them up when they are down, makes them feel good when they are sad and so on, are either fooling themselves or maybe not listening to the right kind of music. Because when you do, it just intensifies your emotions. Or let me speak for myself. It does that to me. It exposes me to what I'm really thinking even when I am capable of hiding it from my own self. So I keep listening to music as one of those really intimate activities that I don't share with everyone. To me, it is one of the most harmful addictions that I could get into. Though I do claim to hate it, I wouldn't dare to dream of a life without music.
To whoever recognized the first notes and identified them as music, go to hell!! And then listen to music. I hope it makes you feel better...
~K.
If I listen to music when I'm happy, I get this unstoppable urge to sing loudly and dance. And I cant sit straight in the office anymore. If I listen to music when I'm sad or feeling lonely, I get depressed. I think of all things that make me sad and then I cry. And I refuse to see the happiness that I might have around me.
People who claim that music brings them up when they are down, makes them feel good when they are sad and so on, are either fooling themselves or maybe not listening to the right kind of music. Because when you do, it just intensifies your emotions. Or let me speak for myself. It does that to me. It exposes me to what I'm really thinking even when I am capable of hiding it from my own self. So I keep listening to music as one of those really intimate activities that I don't share with everyone. To me, it is one of the most harmful addictions that I could get into. Though I do claim to hate it, I wouldn't dare to dream of a life without music.
To whoever recognized the first notes and identified them as music, go to hell!! And then listen to music. I hope it makes you feel better...
~K.
Saturday, October 07, 2006
Letter from an Uncle to his Niece
"... Like nirvana, romance perhaps defies also pre-conditions and stereotypes. One may get it, one may not.
Wishing you all the best in your own pursuit.
Jeeti raho; mil jaaye to mast raho, aur naa mile to bhi.
Love always"
~K.
ps: It is unfair to take the credit of this piece of advice and hence the article. My apologies. And a world of thanks to the source of it. :)
Wishing you all the best in your own pursuit.
Jeeti raho; mil jaaye to mast raho, aur naa mile to bhi.
Love always"
~K.
ps: It is unfair to take the credit of this piece of advice and hence the article. My apologies. And a world of thanks to the source of it. :)
Saturday, September 30, 2006
Dreams - one a penny.
Dreams...
Amazing little things arent they? Keep coming and going inside your head. And some of them manage to stay inside.
The thing to figure out is... how do you know which ones to cherish as nice, pleasant thoughts and which ones to start chasing? How do you know the dream will be just as beautiful as reality as it is otherwise? What if you spend a lifetime chasing your dream, working hard to materialise it only to realize it wasn't worth it?
On the flip side, how do you get rid of a dream that's planted in your head? How do you let go of the beauty... the strength... the happiness that this dream brought along with it? How do you not reach out to that happiness and make it yours knowing all the while that if you don't, it's lost forever?
I read somewhere today... on a billboard... If it's worth a dream, it's not worth a sacrifice.
Wrong thing to read man. And at way too wrong a time. It kinda set back my "renovations" by ... hmmm... quite a period of time.
Maybe I'm better off dreaming about my Mustang, and my houses and my dogs and food rather than anything else. Maybe it is as material a world as it is made out to be. Who knows...
~K.
You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one.
Amazing little things arent they? Keep coming and going inside your head. And some of them manage to stay inside.
The thing to figure out is... how do you know which ones to cherish as nice, pleasant thoughts and which ones to start chasing? How do you know the dream will be just as beautiful as reality as it is otherwise? What if you spend a lifetime chasing your dream, working hard to materialise it only to realize it wasn't worth it?
On the flip side, how do you get rid of a dream that's planted in your head? How do you let go of the beauty... the strength... the happiness that this dream brought along with it? How do you not reach out to that happiness and make it yours knowing all the while that if you don't, it's lost forever?
I read somewhere today... on a billboard... If it's worth a dream, it's not worth a sacrifice.
Wrong thing to read man. And at way too wrong a time. It kinda set back my "renovations" by ... hmmm... quite a period of time.
Maybe I'm better off dreaming about my Mustang, and my houses and my dogs and food rather than anything else. Maybe it is as material a world as it is made out to be. Who knows...
~K.
You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one.
Monday, April 03, 2006
All you need is love...
John Lennon... smart man!
Sad that he aint alive anymore. He would've written a LOT of beautiful stuff for sure.
Anyway... back to the topic. All you need is love. Is that why I've been screwing up things in my life? Academics.. Engineering wasnt really the love of my life... only I figured it out a bit too late... (duh!!!). Work... Code is still a code to me. And do I even hope to decode it someday? Comments withheld (what if my boss reads this sometime?)
Life has suddenly become too full of question marks.. From acads to work to relationships to everything else... Bah!!! Have I lost it??? Shit.. another question!!!! Damn this punctuation.. Sometimes I wonder if I'd been better off never reading that Wren and Martin book in school.
That apart... think about it... dude had a point... J.L. i mean... when you are busy doing something that you love... you never get tired. Even if it something as "tiring" as working out. If you are thinking of doing something that you love, conviction follows on its own. When you are with people you love, not a moment is dull.. even if it's nothing that you are doing. If you are looking forward to something that you would love, it doesnt matter how forward that forward is.
Maybe that's what the answer to all (my) problems is... all things that seem sad.. bad or miserable... Remember.. to let her into your heart... then you can start.. to make it better!! :D
Beatles again!!
I probably live my life in their songs. Possibly because I love them.
And that'll bring us back to the Lennon dude. Hats Off to him again!! Maybe he's right. Love IS all you need.
Until I move on to another question and another answer.. Let It Be!!!
~K.
Sad that he aint alive anymore. He would've written a LOT of beautiful stuff for sure.
Anyway... back to the topic. All you need is love. Is that why I've been screwing up things in my life? Academics.. Engineering wasnt really the love of my life... only I figured it out a bit too late... (duh!!!). Work... Code is still a code to me. And do I even hope to decode it someday? Comments withheld (what if my boss reads this sometime?)
Life has suddenly become too full of question marks.. From acads to work to relationships to everything else... Bah!!! Have I lost it??? Shit.. another question!!!! Damn this punctuation.. Sometimes I wonder if I'd been better off never reading that Wren and Martin book in school.
That apart... think about it... dude had a point... J.L. i mean... when you are busy doing something that you love... you never get tired. Even if it something as "tiring" as working out. If you are thinking of doing something that you love, conviction follows on its own. When you are with people you love, not a moment is dull.. even if it's nothing that you are doing. If you are looking forward to something that you would love, it doesnt matter how forward that forward is.
Maybe that's what the answer to all (my) problems is... all things that seem sad.. bad or miserable... Remember.. to let her into your heart... then you can start.. to make it better!! :D
Beatles again!!
I probably live my life in their songs. Possibly because I love them.
And that'll bring us back to the Lennon dude. Hats Off to him again!! Maybe he's right. Love IS all you need.
Until I move on to another question and another answer.. Let It Be!!!
~K.
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
Chalta hai!
Today while checking out of the hotel, I booked myself a cab for transporting my self and my luggage home. The lady on the other side told me it would be another half an hour before the cab arrives. A half hour and another fifteen minutes into the wait and I began to get impatient, and may I add, a little annoyed as well. So I called up again. And I was told that my cab request hadn’t been placed at all and it would not be possible now to get a cab.
And that’s how it began. My instincts told me to flare up at the moment and give the respective people a piece of my mind for their inefficiency. Thankfully, sanity prevailed and told me to calm down.
Next, I took an auto to go home. The guy overcharged. Which is not just normal, it’s also typical. And again, sanity made me accept it.
Ticked though as I was about the morning’s incidents, one thing I noticed was that life went on normally everywhere around me nevertheless. I know things like these keep happening to everyone, everywhere, almost every time. Am I the only one who bothers so much about all this; or is it really supposed to be shrugged off? Come to think of; there’s so much that we, as a people, have come to accept to the extent of becoming indifferent towards it. Today morning’s incidents are pittance.
Maybe the junta is right. Chalta hai!
~K.
And that’s how it began. My instincts told me to flare up at the moment and give the respective people a piece of my mind for their inefficiency. Thankfully, sanity prevailed and told me to calm down.
Next, I took an auto to go home. The guy overcharged. Which is not just normal, it’s also typical. And again, sanity made me accept it.
Ticked though as I was about the morning’s incidents, one thing I noticed was that life went on normally everywhere around me nevertheless. I know things like these keep happening to everyone, everywhere, almost every time. Am I the only one who bothers so much about all this; or is it really supposed to be shrugged off? Come to think of; there’s so much that we, as a people, have come to accept to the extent of becoming indifferent towards it. Today morning’s incidents are pittance.
Maybe the junta is right. Chalta hai!
~K.
Friday, December 02, 2005
Theory of Materials
Which material? Let’s talk about Plastics... And people. And how people are like plastics. Wait; let me gather my thoughts a little. I'm sounding too incoherent even to myself. But then, all great theories were incoherent when initially propounded.
If you remember your basic lessons of science (the elementary level science, I mean), you’d probably be able to recollect the property termed as ‘Plasticity’. It is the property by virtue of which a body gets permanently stretched or formed into another shape when acted upon by some force. Whoa, I’m proud of myself!!!!
Now compare this to people.
Let’s see if this explanation helps –in our lives, people come and people go. Some of them stay, others don’t. Some of them don’t matter, some of them do a little, and some of them REALLY do. And then there are some people, who come into our lives with this awesome energy level, no matter for how short or long a span, and BANG… things are never the same again. You are never the same again. Like that force on plastic that acts for but a short time, and the plastic takes a form entirely different from what it was in.
And you don’t realize it immediately. It’s only when the initial storm subsides, that you realize, how much of an impact you have really sustained… rather absorbed. It’s then that you realize how much of that other person you’ve taken inside. And it’s then that you realize how much you have changed. Amazing catalysis!
Hey I think I just mixed two branches of science. Wasn’t plasticity Physical and catalysis Chemical? But then, that’s the problem with theories. They are, as I said, incoherent. And crazy. And probably abstract too! So much for my theories. No wonder the blog site is called – Classifieds!
ps: just btw, speaking of elasticity and plasticity… another example – weight gain is elastic… u can gain weight and u can lose it, but the flesh gained thanks to that weight gain is SO plastic… even after you’ve lost the weight… the flab sticks on to remind you of those “hey days”. Just another thought. Don’t bother.
~K.
If you remember your basic lessons of science (the elementary level science, I mean), you’d probably be able to recollect the property termed as ‘Plasticity’. It is the property by virtue of which a body gets permanently stretched or formed into another shape when acted upon by some force. Whoa, I’m proud of myself!!!!
Now compare this to people.
Let’s see if this explanation helps –in our lives, people come and people go. Some of them stay, others don’t. Some of them don’t matter, some of them do a little, and some of them REALLY do. And then there are some people, who come into our lives with this awesome energy level, no matter for how short or long a span, and BANG… things are never the same again. You are never the same again. Like that force on plastic that acts for but a short time, and the plastic takes a form entirely different from what it was in.
And you don’t realize it immediately. It’s only when the initial storm subsides, that you realize, how much of an impact you have really sustained… rather absorbed. It’s then that you realize how much of that other person you’ve taken inside. And it’s then that you realize how much you have changed. Amazing catalysis!
Hey I think I just mixed two branches of science. Wasn’t plasticity Physical and catalysis Chemical? But then, that’s the problem with theories. They are, as I said, incoherent. And crazy. And probably abstract too! So much for my theories. No wonder the blog site is called – Classifieds!
ps: just btw, speaking of elasticity and plasticity… another example – weight gain is elastic… u can gain weight and u can lose it, but the flesh gained thanks to that weight gain is SO plastic… even after you’ve lost the weight… the flab sticks on to remind you of those “hey days”. Just another thought. Don’t bother.
~K.
Saturday, November 12, 2005
Some like it hot!!
Just another chain of thoughts from my ever-so-fertile mind....
Actually not... I cant remember whether I read it somewhere... or heard it somewhere... or if it really did sprout somewhere in my "ever-so-fertile" mind...
Anyway, I just landed on this thought while taking a shower... Ever realized how similar a shower is to life?
You try and balance the hot water and the cold until you are able to get that perfect temperature... By the time you get it, you would have become used to... how do I put it... the adverse temperature conditions. And then suddenly, the perfect temperature doesnt seem that good after all. It'll be either a little too cold or little too warm for your taste.
Know what I mean? You go about, trying to reach that balance in life. Could be in academics... Could be at work... Anywhere. You fight through tremendous pressures, longing for a peaceful, calm, smooth life. After what might seem like an eternity, you actually might get that calmness. But by now, you are so used to all that heat, that this sudden comfort, is believe it or not... discomforting! Strange? Maybe. Probably whacky! But true nonetheless.
Such is life! Cool! Or is it hot??? Take your pick..
~K.
Actually not... I cant remember whether I read it somewhere... or heard it somewhere... or if it really did sprout somewhere in my "ever-so-fertile" mind...
Anyway, I just landed on this thought while taking a shower... Ever realized how similar a shower is to life?
You try and balance the hot water and the cold until you are able to get that perfect temperature... By the time you get it, you would have become used to... how do I put it... the adverse temperature conditions. And then suddenly, the perfect temperature doesnt seem that good after all. It'll be either a little too cold or little too warm for your taste.
Know what I mean? You go about, trying to reach that balance in life. Could be in academics... Could be at work... Anywhere. You fight through tremendous pressures, longing for a peaceful, calm, smooth life. After what might seem like an eternity, you actually might get that calmness. But by now, you are so used to all that heat, that this sudden comfort, is believe it or not... discomforting! Strange? Maybe. Probably whacky! But true nonetheless.
Such is life! Cool! Or is it hot??? Take your pick..
~K.
Sunday, October 30, 2005
I believe in Angel
Oh yes I do. I’ve got guardian angels guarding me ever since I can remember. They are always somewhere close by.
Me – I am this incorrigible person who keeps getting herself into “situations”, if you know what I mean. And if I’m lucky, I don’t pull others along with me. But then, I do get out of those. As naturally as I get into them. It’s as simple as going through a revolving door.
Yes I could take the credit by saying I get myself out unscathed, uninjured, unaffected… so on and so forth. But one, I was born with this huge amount of modesty. And two, I know if I tried to pull that stunt all by myself, the least I would end up doing would be screwing up another 4-5 lives. And that’s where these angel fellows come in. In different forms, assuming different roles, but doing the same work. All of them.
There are times when I think I don’t really need them… Oh well… so much for my thoughts… not even a penny actually. For every stupid hint of a thought worth any foul penny which says I can get along well on my own, there are about a million flashes worth a grand each, if not more, which tell me to basically shut up.
All the times at home when I’ve been lost as a kid or other-wise, through school and college where I was this notorious woman, the 3 months of training in Infosys where I managed to goof up in every possible way, then all the way to Chennai, where again my mad luck (no typo here) got the better (or worse) of me, and then here in Detroit where I arrived a little humbled, but stupid nonetheless, it’s been these g.a’s who’ve kept the show running. Sometimes at “breakneck” speed. But cruising all other times.
Sometimes I think I should sit up and thank all these wonderful creatures, who keep popping into my lives at just the magical moments, as if on a wonderfully directed cue. Only I’m scared they might think their job is done and move on to another specimen like me. So I guess, when my job is finally done, I’ll send them all a little I.O.U. with a thanks and a mmuah. And until then, I’ll put in another word with one of those divine powers which are supposed to exist to keep taking care of these much more realistic (and down to earth) characters and keep hoping that they enjoy working with me.
ps: yeah yeah… one of those days.
~K.
Me – I am this incorrigible person who keeps getting herself into “situations”, if you know what I mean. And if I’m lucky, I don’t pull others along with me. But then, I do get out of those. As naturally as I get into them. It’s as simple as going through a revolving door.
Yes I could take the credit by saying I get myself out unscathed, uninjured, unaffected… so on and so forth. But one, I was born with this huge amount of modesty. And two, I know if I tried to pull that stunt all by myself, the least I would end up doing would be screwing up another 4-5 lives. And that’s where these angel fellows come in. In different forms, assuming different roles, but doing the same work. All of them.
There are times when I think I don’t really need them… Oh well… so much for my thoughts… not even a penny actually. For every stupid hint of a thought worth any foul penny which says I can get along well on my own, there are about a million flashes worth a grand each, if not more, which tell me to basically shut up.
All the times at home when I’ve been lost as a kid or other-wise, through school and college where I was this notorious woman, the 3 months of training in Infosys where I managed to goof up in every possible way, then all the way to Chennai, where again my mad luck (no typo here) got the better (or worse) of me, and then here in Detroit where I arrived a little humbled, but stupid nonetheless, it’s been these g.a’s who’ve kept the show running. Sometimes at “breakneck” speed. But cruising all other times.
Sometimes I think I should sit up and thank all these wonderful creatures, who keep popping into my lives at just the magical moments, as if on a wonderfully directed cue. Only I’m scared they might think their job is done and move on to another specimen like me. So I guess, when my job is finally done, I’ll send them all a little I.O.U. with a thanks and a mmuah. And until then, I’ll put in another word with one of those divine powers which are supposed to exist to keep taking care of these much more realistic (and down to earth) characters and keep hoping that they enjoy working with me.
ps: yeah yeah… one of those days.
~K.
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