Happiness is (also)...

... a mighty tough job.
Or so I'm learning....

All the books I'd read had taught me that happiness was a matter of choice... You just choose to be happy. That was all there was to it. Apparently. I'd like to speak to Mr. Norman Vincent Peale.. It was some of his books, I think, which filled my head with such ummm... utopia-n (??) thoughts. Well, Mr. P... you were wrong!

While the simple joys of life I'd written about earlier do bring a smile to your face, and give you a certain calmness in the otherwise hectic and crazy lives that we lead and all that jazz, they do not give you the happiness that lasts. The satisfaction is still missing from them. Ever had your head and heart pulling you apart in different directions? Something as simple as wanting something real bad, but not being able to afford it. Or being caught helpless in a now-or-don't-know-when situation.

Unfortunately, life keeps giving you such battlegrounds every now and then. Oh well, I can fight when the enemy is outside. Not within. I can't fight my own self. And unfortunately again, I seem to have this split personality... this alter ego maybe, which keeps pushing me to choices like these. If only life came with a users' manual... I would have had something to refer to!!

I wish I could have simply declared - "We want the world and we want it. Now." The way Jim Morrison did. And I wish just that declaration could really give me the world. Or at least MY world. The way I want it.... Oh but then... which one of me? The Dumb or the Dumber? Bah... forget it. Some fights don't get over I guess.

Never mind... I guess I'll play around with those simple things... which are said to constitute life. Just a little longer though. At least until the time when my selves reconcile with each other instead of just agreeing to disagree. And I hope it happens soon. The rules of English grammar said that I is a singular noun. I'd like to live it that way....

~K (& K).


ps: I'm reading LOTR these days... Remember Smeagol and Gollum? At least they would agree with me... ;-)
And well... current music - When the Music's over... by Jim Morrison.
Bye for now. Turn off the lights! :-)

Love,
~K.