I wonder what was the last thing that I did because I really wanted to do it. And I don't mean eating or drinking something or something else of the kind. I mean really doing something.
Let me do a quick retrospection - I had really wanted to do engineering. Well, I did it. Only to realize that I could have done better than doing a B.Tech. When in school, I had wanted to work in some nice, big and reputed Software firm. Well, here I am now. Only to wonder what I was thinking when I made that wish. I learnt music, even without knowing how much I loved it. So, I don't know if I can count that as my own achievement. I had wanted to write. Again, here I am, writing, to no real end but at least writing.
I had really wanted to do an MBA, and then get into some field that I could relate to more than these bits and bytes that I am dealing with now. And somewhere in the recent past I thought I'd give up this crazy corporate world and rather study things that I really love - Language, Music, Arts. And maybe sometime know enough of these things to be able to teach a few people about them.
Wishing and wanting is fine. And is maybe the first step. But where is the hunger that will make me quit what I am doing now and run towards these wishes? I remember having that once. I still trust myself enough to know it hasn't completely died out. I still hope that this trust is not a consolation I'm giving myself. I keep telling myself that me having that thought itself is a sign that things aren't completely lost yet. How long will I continue to thrive on this consolation is something I don't want to know. But the way things are going, the answer is not too comforting.
I recently purchased one of those fridge magnets which give you something to think about. This one has a quote by Emily Dickinson which says - "Dwell in possibility". I do. I need another magnet which tells me to make possibility a reality. Maybe then I'll get there too.
~K.
2 comments:
It is all "Eternal"; the pursuit of happYness ... the keyword here is "pursuit" and not the result.
And I quote:
"At last, when I woke from my slumber and opened my eyes,
I saw thee standing by me, flooding my sleep with thy smile.
How I had feared that the path was long and wearisome,
And the struggle to reach thee was hard!"
~The Journey, Gitanjali.
All is eternal; it is the path that is momentary.
And once the journey to the Noisy Symphony will start, you will realize that the path was not that long.
:j
Hi, Jatin here! When I read what you wrote about in the article...music, MBA and why engg...I could all relate to what I think!! And the same thing I thought about the "missing appetite", the lack of re-drive to try the same thing that we wanted!! Good job to put in words!!
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