Finally flushed out...

Have you ever had one incident spark off a hundred thoughts inside your head? One after the other? The kind of things you wouldn’t think about in your everyday life, but can’t seem to get rid of currently just because of that one incident?

It happened to me a few months back. And now is when I’m finally publishing it. This has been a long pending note, lying in my drafts for more than a month. I’m glad to finally have this article see the light of day and get it off my system.

A couple of months ago, sometime in end of October last year, one of my colleagues in my client team passed away. I hadn’t known the guy for a very long time, but it was evident that he was an intellectual force to reckon with. It took us a little while to get our work back on track and more importantly, to accept that we would have to put in more efforts to derive those tricky solutions to sticky problems that we almost took for granted until now. That apart, the reactions that I saw on people who had known him for much longer than I did triggered off another weird chain of thoughts in my head.

1 – Boys don’t cry. It takes real men to do that. To be able to face your hurt and sorrow and have enough strength to show your vulnerability to hurt takes a lot of courage. And not all people can do that. The point is not what hurts. The point is how much and how you deal with it. The point is also not getting tears in your eyes. The point is to be willing to face and accept your pain, your grief, your sorrow. Running away from it, shutting all your senses to it, making yourself stoned to all hurt, isn’t really what I would call strength. To me, that’s the biggest weakness that any man can have. I use the noun “man”, because, in my opinion, women are better at this emotion business. Yes they show it, because they are not afraid to. (Women of the world - You Rock!)

2 – Stupid thought. I’m almost sorry that it came to my head. But then, let me use my “Momentary Lapse of Reason” as an excuse again. I started wondering – who, in my workplace, would be affected if I die? People other than me know what’s happening, so work won’t get affected. Will anyone miss the way I work? Or wish that I was around doing whatever has to be done instead of whoever else does it in my place? Points to ponder; but then, I’m not willing to find that out yet.

3 – In continuation of the thought#2, I did realize that there are a lot of people who’d be really affected if I died. There may also be a lot of people who’d feel sorry at the news but not think about it too much and carry on with life. But, fortunately, I couldn’t quite think of anyone who’d rejoice at the news. (Thank Heavens!) Anyway, I’m still thinking about the first category of people who love me more than I can ever hope to deserve. And to them, I promise, I will not die. Not so fast. Not by my own design. Ever.

4 – Now, a little more than 2 months later, things at work are how they always were. Haphazard! ;-) Jokes apart, everyone learnt to accept the obvious and continue with each day that comes. That’s what happens. We learn to move on. Things would be a little different for friends and families. But they learn too. And learn to live and love and even laugh nevertheless.

But hey, my promise stays.

Whew! This has got to be one of the weirdest articles I have ever written. Like I said – I’m glad it’s out. Good riddance!

~K.

ps: Goodbye Igor. People still miss you here. Hope you’re having a nice after-life!