Cold Hard Genius

The upside of having time has got to be reading! Yes - I say that because I'm biased towards books. It's the only way to enjoy the company of great thinkers, dreamers, lovers, artists, scientists - all at the same time.

Why do I say this? It's because I just finished reading I, Robot.

Now I have never been attracted to Science Fiction as a genre. Neither in books, nor in movies. Always found it too taxing on my brain. Or maybe my heart. Or so I assumed. It was The Husband who made me watch the movie. So I guess, I owe this piece to him.

Anyway - through the drama in the movie, peeks the concept of evolution of robotic and robots themselves, whose.. well "logic is undeniable". Strictly speaking for myself - though it was initially the drama which made the movie palatable; the actual thrill came from how the evolution theory was built up in the movie.

So now that I had the time and I had already seen the movie, I thought I'd read the book and be done with it.

Let me come to the book. For starters, the movie doesn't exactly follow the story line in the book. There aren't many similarities in the book apart from the name of the corporation - USR, and some characters - Dr Alfred Lanning, Robertson and of course Dr Susan Calvin - who, by the way is the real rock star at USR and certainly does not need a paranoid detective Spooner to deduce any mysteries where robots are involved. No offense to Will Smith or his fans, but it's a stupid, sexist reason to have his character at all in the movie.

The book is a collection of short stories rather than a novel. Structured as a memoir, each chapter is a reminiscence of a mishap at USR. The evolution of robots is evident in the apparent malfunction that is being described. From an emotional, but non verbal mechanical companion to a complicated device that has complete control of the earth. As the capabilities of the robots grow, so does the overlap on the human domains. Eventually, everything that a human being could be deemed capable of doing, could be achieved by the robot, only more efficiently.

And that is what is so captivating about the book. The things that robots are shown to have achieved. From being a companion nurse, to mining on planet Mercury, to Interstellar travel! Top that with human actions like mind reading, lying (albeit to prevent hurt), impersonating, getting confused (and twiddling fingers) and even forming a religious cult, and you find yourself wondering how long before it actually comes true. Because however dramatic it may seem, the cold, hard logic behind it is - again - undeniable.

I feel almost sad going back to the regular, human fiction now. A glimpse of a higher world can be cruel. Well, at least I know whom to blame! ;-)

Read more books. It's not "only words".

Cheers!

~K.

ps: Apparently, these stories were written between 1940 - 1950. While the world was split between the bullies and the bullied, this young lad in his 20's clearly had better things to do.

Ah well - thank god for Geniuses!

The long way home

So it turns out that last days at work aren't quite as dramatic as I had thought. There's no music playing in the background, no montage of significant moments projected anywhere, depending on the time or place - there may not even be anyone seeing you off. It turns out that the entire rush of sentimentality that I was imagining was exactly that - imaginary.

It's just another day that you exit the office. Perhaps through a different gate. Perhaps in a different mood. But the same scene as any other day. The only difference might be the route that you choose to take on the way back home.

As in the case of life, it's only your circle who is affected or interested.

All goes to show how closely a part of life can resemble life itself.

C'est la vie!


~K.

The Magic Book!

Long ago I had read this book - Illusions, by Richard Bach. While the book itself is themed like The Matrix trilogy - pointing out the illusory nature of the world we live in and performing miracles that would defy the laws of physics (remember the spoon?), that is somehow not what stayed with me. What I loved most, was the Messiah's handbook, which didn't have any page numbers and would give you the answer that you were in need of most whenever you opened it. Just like magic! And it doesn't stop there. The character goes on to explain that it can be done with any book.

I have come to realize that this concept can be extended to just about anything. Answers can be found anywhere. Books. Paintings. Songs. (They're even "blowin' in the wind", if you believe Bob Dylan!)

But coming back to me and this particular case - I got mine in this Word Porn link that came in my Facebook feed. Despite all my contempt for it, FB was bound to get something right.

In a couple of weeks, I will have more time than I have ever had in the last 12 years. As exciting and romantic the prospect of pre-planned joblessness may sound, it is also scary. There's a constant doubt questioning the decision. And even a fear of freedom. So I'm gathering with both hands, all the signs that give me any sense of hope.

Right now it is these 10 tips. I mean if you can't trust a writer like JRR Tolkein, whom can you trust, really?

Looking forward to getting lost. And looking and finding something.

Love, luck and hope. And faith. And a cheer and a song.

~K.

The antithesis

I'm not a hero. I'm not called to save the day.
My joys are ordinary. So are my sorrows.
My needs are simple.
My battles; my victories; and my defeats -
All routine. All run of the mill.
My interests are few. My passions, fewer still.
I know some facts. Opinions - not many.
My weaknesses are typical, strengths normal, if any.

But, I am.
Like the basic definition of matter - I have mass and occupy space.
And for that reason, I matter.

Chalo!

Ever noticed how the best of plans or activities start with something as simple as "Chalo!".

This is something that DD had said to me very matter-of-factly a long time ago. We were just talking about the things that we really wanted to do. And she was thinking how great it would be to open a school of some sort which would basically teach kids (or maybe adults too) to not hold back. That nothing was impossible. All we had to do was start! The name of the school that she had in mind was "Chalo!"

Got reminded of this today when I saw an email that floats around in my office about a Walkers' club - who generate and donate money to American Heart Association. The initiative is called "Start! Charlotte Heart Walk". (http://www.startcharlottenc.org/)

There's so many things that I just need to just start! doing. Start exercising. Start reading again. Start writing again. Start singing all over again. Start dancing. Start worrying about work and office a little less. (that's one thing I've "started" doing about a hundred times already in the last 7 years.) In some years maybe I can start thinking about studying again too. For now we are on a break! ;)

I think today would be a good day to *ahem* start doing at least one of these things. I feel good. I am happy. I am healthy. I have a wonderful family. And a lot of really good friends. And I love my life. Enough reasons to do all the things I want to do. Even including saving the world!

So what am I waiting for? Just the call I guess...
Chalo! :)


High on life!

~K.


ps: There's no copyright on the name of the school. I know DD (and even I) still want to open that school. But if I suddenly find that the school has already been set up by someone, I'll still give the credit to DD. I don't know anyone who can say "Chalo!" in a happier and a more inspiring way! *:)

Packing up!!

Life of a blogger does not end after marriage... But I must say, it does get a little crippled because of all the movement. Both physical and symbolic. I mean when all your time is spent in getting accustomed to a new family, a new place, customs which you had only seen others being a part of or sometimes only on the television (*winks*), in my case even a new language... you really won't have the time to.. whaddaya call it .. blog!

Life after marriage has been fun... Sourav and I've made generous contributions to the travel industry. Unfortunately mostly to see each other rather than seeing places... :P
Anyway... After changing a lot of addresses in India, we are pretty much settled in Mooresville, NC (at least for the next 6 months when the lease expires). Which can only mean 1 thing - that we are ready to travel again! Yay!

If it were to me I'd go round the country making only train journeys (and that's not because of my previous flying adventures). But for that I'd have to swap my working days with holidays. And good luck with THAT!

Until then... flying it is! The traveler spirit calls. And first stop - always the family! :)

More later.
Love always.

~K.

Odd One Out!

Some of my friends are of the opinion that the Retail Industry owes its existence to women. Oh well... I must be what they call the black sheep. Oh don't get me wrong... it's not that I can't shop. When it comes to buying gifts for people, I can do that with my eyes closed. (Not literally of course, but you know what I mean) But send me to a mall to shop for myself and all I can do is go from store to store looking at stuff... not buying anything... a little pissed with myself, but happy that I'm at least burning calories!

I'm back in the US now. And last weekend I set out to do some serious shopping. No.. seriously! There wasn't anything specific on my agenda. But I did have a couple of nice occasions which deserved some nice gifts. So Sourav and I spent almost a whole day store-hopping and what did we finally return home with? Umm... some groceries, some supplies, some liquor, a couple of books and a couple of movie DVD's from Blockbuster. And not that I didn't look (or was forced to look) for anything for myself. Everything was either too fashionable (where do you think I'll wear that dress?) or too uncomfortable (not THOSE heels!) or just too expensive (300 bucks for that stupid necklace??!! When have you seen me wearing jewelery??) !!! Again, it's not that I don't have a reason to buy stuff for myself... Or (for a change) the money. I do. But aahhh... I'm finally beginning to admit that I just don't have the wits to shop for myself!

If I could, the only thing I'd ever buy for myself or spend any of "money-for-me" for would be in one of these categories - Dining (Food and ahem... Drinks!), Travel (My absolute favourite activity!) and Entertainment (Concerts and Shows.. esp Broadway!). These are the things that make life simple. And enjoyable. And so much fun!

I know some of my friends are smiling or maybe laughing while reading this. They know this is how I am, how I've been all my life. Some of them have been hoping for some time that I'll change a little. Well, I haven't. I'll let this be my confession to the Fashion industry and end it at that. What I'm glad about, meanwhile, is that life continues to be beautiful even when you're dressed out of style! :-)

Peace on earth!

Love always,

~K.

P for Perfect?

The other day I took this quiz on facebook - What's your phobia?
And guess what mine turned out to be - Atelophobia. (The fear of Atilla the Hun... ;))
Ok really... Fear of Imperfection!

Kinda made me wonder... is that how much I seek perfection?

I hope not.


Love all,
~K.

Gosh!

I'm almost scared to come to this site now. It might bite, you know. Or worse, it may have forgotten me.

I've been wanting to write for a very long time now. If for nothing else, then just to say that life of a blogger does not get over after marriage. In fact there's more to write about. More people. More ceremonies. More food. More everything!
In fact I did write one day you know. And that too on a piece of paper! With a pencil! Beat that!

Anyway.. I feel like I've been running around the whole country all this time. From Seattle to Delhi in Dec end. Then to Chennai in Jan. Weekend trips to Bangalore. Jan end to Delhi. And then to Calcutta for the wedding. Then to Chinsurah. To my newly wed house :D. Then to Hyderabad. Again to Chennai. And finally to Bangalore. Then some weekend trips.. one to Delhi (more about that later). But mostly to Hyderabad. Because that's where the husband was, you see. Was - until 2 weeks ago.
And now I'm finally settling down in my own life in my cozy rented apartment (which, btw, we are furnishing as if it was Disney's Castle!)

Why am I telling you all this? 1 - as a matter of explanation of my truancy. 2 - because I'm excited. Nervous too.. but basically excited! :-)

Well Well Well... I'll cut this one here. It's 1 in the night and I've been up finishing off some office work. Working under pressure makes me hyper active I guess. Sometimes even I get surprised at what all I'm able to achieve. Like posting an article on my blog for example... ;-)

More later. And not as late as this post. I promise!

Love to all.
Good luck and God bless!

Cheers always. I mean ALWAYS!

~K.

Tan ta Daaaaannnnn....

My dear people... All those who care to read... (and those who were FORCED to read!) Presenting... (drum rolls in the background) My Husband-Elect! With a term lasting around a couple of hundred years... or the end of one of our lives (whichever comes last!), this is no easy job. And it DEFINITELY doesn't pay!!! (On the contrary it quite means that well... he gotta keep paying to keep that job!) ;-)


Meet Sourav. Sourav Chattopadhyay. The guy who significantly changed my life and is all set to change my name, come February '09. He actually managed to score over Al Pacino and Johnny Depp and Jim Morrison. 'Coz .. well... for starters, he was neither out of reach nor dead. And he shared the same interests as I did. (Or maybe I should say similar... because the time when I was reading Archies and Tintin and Asterix... at the most - Agatha Christies, he was reading the Iliad of Homer! Really... I don't think I even knew anyone who'd read that... DD knows the only reference of the Iliad that I use.. :D) And what's more... he even happened to show the knack and the patience of tolerating me despite my "mad-eyed-moodiness" (sorry JKR... that phrase and that character still belong to you, I'm just borrowing it.), my extremely unpredictable and incontrollable temper and most of all.. my absolutely corny non-sense of humour! And that too not just for a day or two. But he did that consistently for 3 months and continues to do so even now. Now THAT'S what I call real talent! (Take a bow sweetie!)

I'd mentioned in one of my previous posts - I need to see some of myself being transferred to the other person the way I take in some of him. Though I do see that happening, what's funny is what I've given in return of what I got... He writes me poetry, and I give him childish limericks. He gives me Rabindra Sangeet and some priceless Satyajit Ray classics and I get him to watch Jab We Met. He teaches me Bangla and I've taught him... well... blblblblblblll.. :D

Too late to worry about all this. The vows have been taken. (Including the all important "What is yours is mine... what is mine is also mine... and what is ours is ALSO mine!"). We still have to go through the entire hullabaloo called marriage with all its exotic rites and rituals in both Pahadi flavour and Bengali. But compared to all that has already happened, that should be a piece of cake!

Just one thing left to say now - *Touchwood*

So that's how it goes... My reason why 2008 has really been the year of Change! And why the change will bring a whole lot of better tomorrows!

Until later...

Love, Luck and Hope... and Happiness!
~K.

In the name of God

Or whatever else you may believe in - Country.. Religion.. Race.. Stop this nonsense. It is uncalled for. There's nothing... Absolutely NOTHING that can justify these acts of callous, barbaric, merciless acts of terrorism.

In the last five days I experienced shock, despair, frustration, disgust, anger, horror, shame, hurt, helplessness and sadness. All in extremes. So much that more than once it made me cry out of all these emotions that, until now, I never experienced together in a span of a week, let alone a day.
I heard myself thinking what's wrong with our eyes that a group of men can boldly walk into our streets and stations and cinemas and hotels loaded with ammunition and start firing bullets recklessly at innocent people around them and we come to know only when the gunshots continue for longer than 5 minutes. Is it that easy to conceal ammunition? Or do we suffer from the delusion that we are indestructible? Or is it simply a side effect of the "tolerance" that we, as a country, as so famous for?
I heard myself and my friends blaming the government. At their inefficiency in preventing the situation as well as in controlling it. At their incapability to provide security to the people they are elected to rule. At the lack of brains that they display with such insensitivity that it doesn't pinch them before making comments like "such things happen". At the lack of guts and spine that they display by submitting their resignations as their only way of accepting their failure. Does it not occur to them to stay and fight back and make sure that they bring the guilty to task and that their country and people don't have to face such terror again?
I heard myself cursing and damning the terrorists. I heard myself wishing the worst on people who masterminded and executed the attacks. The one in Mumbai as well as all others that India has gone through in recent times. What do these people want? When will they stop? Can't they see how wrong and futile this is? Aren't they humans too? Can't we do anything to stop them once and for all?
I heard myself muttering a "Thank God" after hearing that everyone I know in Mumbai is safe. And that their friends and families are safe too. (Thank God) As if it will somehow make the blow that we just received a little better. It still makes me feel like a hypocrite. This is not how I am.

I used to believe that what we need to do is to educate people. Once they realize there's more to life than fighting for petty differences like whose God is better, maybe we'll see the end of such wars. Maybe if people realize that there is so much more to channel their energies and ideas towards, we'll see more nations progressing - not just scientifically and economically but also morally. I used to believe that education and work would gradually replace religions and Gods all over the world.
Apparently I was wrong.

Suddenly I don't know what to believe, whom to trust anymore. Any face - young or old, could be carrying weapons that could put people like you and me in danger anytime, anywhere.

But somehow, somewhere inside my heart I don't want to think me or my loved ones could be at the mercy of any such inhuman souls. Borrowing from Godfather - it insults my intelligence. And hence, I keep believing in the strength that we derive from our ability to think straight. From our capacity to tell the right from wrong. But most importantly, from our desire to live with the respect and dignity that we deserve. And hence, I also believe that there IS something that we can do. All systems and societies that we talk about are made of people like us. The people who are trying to rip us apart also come from similar systems. They are not any stronger or more advanced or more capable than we are. It's time for us to get together and shout back - ENOUGH!


~K.

*************************************************************************************

I wish media would stop talking about "The Mumbai spirit". The spirit is undeniable. It's real. Mumbai will be back up on it's feet again. As it always has. But is that the point?

All Indians who are reading this and will be in India during the elections, please make sure you cast your vote. Register yourselves at Jaagore.com. It's a wonderful site that will give all registered users alerts about the election dates and polling venues based on the constituencies that they are in. It also gives extensive information about our election process, our government structure, the responsibilities of the elected representatives at various levels and a lot of other useful stuff that we might have read about in our Civics classes in school, but didn't care enough to understand then. Now is the time to revise it all.

Everyone, and I mean Everyone - please be a little more alert and aware about your surroundings. If there are security restrictions set up in your area of residence or work or recreation - please comply with them. Make their jobs and your lives a little easier. The underground subways in New York city have these posters in the stations and in the trains - "If you see something, say something." Let's follow that ourselves. Between paranoid and dead, what do you think is the better option?

To the innocent victims of those attacks - I'm sorry this had to happen to you. It was not fair. There's nothing that I can say or do that'll make things easier for your families. But I pray for them and you as I do for my own and me. God bless us all. Amen.

~K.

*************************************************************************************

What can we do? Here's what some people say -

Parul- She's linked to a few sites and posts herself... Do check those out too.

Mumbaihelps- Some links in this blog as well... Check this for example.

Stop Terrorism- Please! And don't forget to register.

Stay safe!

Ice Ice Baby!

Having a bad day? Feel like blowing off your lid? Or maybe knocking someone down?

When anger strikes... Pop some ice into your mouth!

I swear it works like magic. Trust me. It did right now.
If only I'd known this earlier, I'd have saved myself some broken glasses, a nearly broken cell phone and some things that I'm not really proud of. Basically a whole lot of trouble.

I still don't say I've learnt the art of Anger Management. It remains to be one of the ever elusive things in my life. (Another being perfect abs!). But I do think that I've got the key to delay the impulsive explosions that I've been having in the past. Hallelujah!

Life... is kinda nice. :)

~K.

psst - Jag... Bhai you're the best! Ab kuchh instant abs ke liye bhi bata de... :D

Status call

Remember this - ?
Five Things Planned for the Next Five Years
1. Study.
2. Get into a field of work I can relate to.
3. Read a classic.
4. Fall in love.
5. Stay 24.

Let's see where I am on these -

Study - I vaguely remember something about this... this.. "thing". Studying is now confined to reading the many PDF and document files and more such for my certifications. I could pull out a sigh after this. But that'll only make me feel like a loser. So, sigh suppressed.

Field of work - Let's not even get there. That's out of bounds to everyone (including me). Sigh still suppressed. :P

Read a classic - Well I read Nineteen Eighty Four. And All Quiet on the Western Front. And The Lord of The Rings. These days I'm reading a biography of The Beatles! and Gitanjali by Rabindranath Tagore. All classics in their fields.
Read a classic - Check!

Fall in love - Here is where I struck gold! I did. And well... not just once. And life has changed ever since. I have changed ever since. I like to think I've grown up. (More on this when I talk about the fifth point in the above list.) I even came to realize that I need not just love but a little sense of pride as well. And while I can compromise a little on the former, there's no way I'd give up even an ounce of the latter! What's more - I can strive to earn the pride, but the love must come irrespective of that.
Oh.. and yes.. I need to see some of myself being transferred to the other person the way I take in some of him.
Anyway... Fall in love - Check!

Stay 24 - I have no idea how to gauge that... While I think I grew up a little, some of my friends claim I never even reached 24. I think I'd be a part of the "Ageless body; Timeless mind" gang. I doubt if I look my age. And well... I never know what time it is... :P I could also be vice versa.. because my mind doesn't seem to know my age. And my body has little clue of time. Never mind. :P
I'll still take it as a success though. Because you see, the point was not growing old!
Stay 24 - Check!

My score until now- 3/5. Not bad I'd say. I have 2 more years to go to get the remaining 2 checks. Do-able! Or so I hope... :D

I owe a lot more to this space. Change seems to be the theme of the year 2008. More on that later. I have a lot of time these days.. I'll keep writing in. :-)

Meanwhile... haffun!


Cheers!
~K.

Read only

For the past few months I've been wondering why I haven't even been visiting this site. Earlier I used to drop by to at least read my posts if not to write a new one. Now, I almost seem to be hiding. Is there a word for fear of expressing oneself? (Note to self - look it up!) Of late, I've caught myself fearing just that. And this confession comes with the hope that it will absolve me of some of that fear.

A couple of weeks ago, a friendly forward made me realize just how much my vocabulary has shrunk over the past few years. I used to use the right words for describing my feelings or thoughts. Now all I do is get amazed. Amazed at how beautiful something is or how dismal. Amazed at reports of volatility of public reaction or their inertness. Amazed at displays of strength and power and cowardice and helplessness alike. And now when I try to correct that, my referring to the dictionary to look up words I already knew, hurts that thing called pride.

So you see - it all comes down to pride. Maybe NOW I will work on it. Of course not in a medium as public as this ;-). But well, a public confession does help.

Especially when you don't allow comments.. ;-)


So long!


~K.

I quote ...

Mark Twain's works. Excerpts from his travelogue 'Following the Equator' —

"This is indeed India; the land of dreams and romance, of fabulous wealth and fabulous poverty, of splendor and rags, of palaces and hovels, of famine and pestilence...the country of a thousand nations and a hundred tongues, of a thousand religions and two million gods, cradle of the human race, birthplace of human speech, mother of history, grandmother of legend, great-grandmother of tradition... the one sole country under the sun that is endowed with an imperishable interest for alien prince and alien peasant, for lettered and ignorant, wise and fool, rich and poor, bond and free, the one land that all men desire to see, and having seen once, by even a glimpse, would not give that glimpse for the shows of all the rest of the globe combined...Its marvels are its own; the patents cannot be infringed; imitations are not possible."

India is my country. I love my country. And I am proud of it.

Jai Hind!


~K.

Impressions - II

As a kid, I used to live in my imaginations. Well... I either haven't changed or haven't grown up. But then that's another story altogether.

Anyway, a part of my living in my imaginations was believing almost all the things that I read. Which ranged from the stories in my school textbooks to Archies comics. I used to believe those stories were real. Real enough to happen in my little world. To me. I used to imagine myself in those stories. And live a life where the nobody part of me was the lovely, the lover, the leader. It was so wonderful living a life like that that it was easy adopting those words and lines and ideas as my own.

One of them which knocked me over was - Songs never lie.

And thus, the sung word began to make a bigger impact than the one simply said or written. I guess that was where I made the choice between poetry and prose. Or between stories and songs. I used to believe in stories, and stories told me songs were true. So here I was. Now I believed in songs. Every one of them. Just the very fact that someone made the effort to get words to rhyme and sound poetic and dramatic; and then set them to music filled them with such magic and such beauty. Everyone from The Beatles to Simon & Garfunkel to The Carpenters to Billy Joel to Lobo and then Pink Floyd and The Doors came one by one and vindicated my belief. It was the best mix of truth and love and power and fear and beauty that I could ever ask for. It was the kind of things that commanded faith. And conviction. Much more than any God or religion could ever boast of.

And that's how I still am. Living my life in songs that other people wrote and sung. Finding my dreams and my truths and my power and my happiness in ideas and emotions of strange composers. Vain enough to relate every song that I listen to to some part of my life.
All because some stupid comic book said - Songs never lie.

And I say - Amen.


~K.

Black or White

It's funny how sometimes we either want everything or not have anything to do with at all. Like a binary system of 0's and 1's. Like a child who wants all or nothing. Anything in between is just... in between. And in between is not good enough. Reminds me of a Jim Morrison quote - "The highs and the lows are the most important points in one's life. Anything else... is just... in between."

I used to consider that a little childish.. a little immature.. maybe even a little self centered. Until I caught myself doing it. Not just once. But in almost every facet of my life.

I first noticed it in my guitar lessons. If I couldn't play the guitar the way I wanted to hear a guitar being played... then I wouldn't play it. Then again in my expressions... if I couldn't express myself as freely as (I thought) I could in English... then I wouldn't talk. (No wonder the article in Hindi has still not made its appearance here. I've a handicap!). What's more... remember that bicycle I have still not been able to ride... if I can't ride it the way I picture myself riding it... then let it remain parked forever.

And the scope doesn't stay limited to me. It moves into my social sphere as well. At work... if I can't be the best at whatever I am doing... then I don't want to do it. In my friendships and my relationships... if I can't be to a person what he or she is to me... I seem to withdraw.

All said and done, even though that is my first reaction to all such circumstances, there remain a few things on which I generally push on a little more than others. That social sphere stuff is among those few things. It takes more than just the first panic attack to make me give up. Maybe it's the fear of what I stand to lose. Or of having to start all over with nothing at all. And... well... singing is another. That's another thing for which I can accept a shade of gray.

And maybe that's what I need to realize. That Jim Morrison may have been right in what he said, but it's the in-betweens that let us relax between the excitement and the stress of highs and lows. That 0's and 1's may be able to define nearly everything, but fractions have their place too. That the perfect black and white picture has shades of gray blending beautifully from light to dark and vice versa.

Maybe I'll wake up to find that I already know this. And how to play the guitar really well. And how to ride the bicycle as well. That's a good thought to go to bed with.


Love, luck and hope -

~K.

Niiiiice

Was looking for something and found something else... Liked what I found and hence here it is...

Definition of run -

Main Entry:	run
Part of Speech:	verb
Definition:	To move swiftly on foot so that both feet leave the ground during each stride.

I always knew I could fly... That's one item off my 'To do' list... Oh what a glorious weekend! :)


~K.

Blblblblblbl...

That's my word for 'Gibberish'. It's a noun. It's what happens when a million thoughts are running inside my head in a random, disorganized fashion. And when I try to stream them into a piece of structured, sensible, purposeful expression, written or verbal, typically a 'blblblblbll' is what comes out.

After a long time, here's one.

A couple of weeks ago, I attended this session on "Art of Living". I went there simply because I was curious. The session (if not the art itself) was interesting, to say the least. As a part of that session, the instructor asked us to close our eyes and just concentrate. On our surroundings, the noises outside, then ourselves, where we were sitting, then on our body, the various parts of it starting from the toes gradually moving up to our head.

Next he asked us to concentrate on the thoughts inside our brain. And that is when I realized how many there were. I could see those tiny little things scurrying inside my head, each trying to grab my attention, as if they were all jealous of the others. And the funny thing is, I knew exactly what all of those thoughts were. And even where they originated from.

Finally he asked us to concentrate on our emotions. And that was where I got lost. I could not understand what I was feeling. Apart from the fact that I wanted to pee, there was no trace of any of the feelings I have known until now. Happiness, grief, anger, regret, guilt - nothing. And that's when more thoughts came into my head. Have I become stoned to emotions? Or have I become so scared to feel that I have gone into a state of denial? Or more practically - Does physical discomfort override the emotions that may be present inside us?

Looking back, I don't think my state of emotional blankness was because of the first two points. I dismissed those thoughts as those which strike you in a state of panic. That brings us to the third (assuming that I was simply not feeling anything and there was really no reason to make a blog out of that). Anyway, what I'm now trying to figure out is this - Are we driven by our emotions or our physical sensations? I extend this question from I to we, because I consider myself quite the average, ordinary kind of a person. So I present these questions for all of us to consider. Between the mind and the body - who rules whom? And, most importantly, which one of these two is us? Am I, for instance, my mind or my body? If I am only one of them, what happens when the other one gains power over the I? Do I lose myself? Or am I just transformed into something that I was hitherto not?


Ah well... that is what a blblblbbll is. I could submit it to the Oxford lexicons if only I could standardize the number of b's and l's in it.

Meanwhile, let me borrow some words from Nirvana to seal this piece of writing off - I find it hard, it's hard to find. Well, whatever, never mind.

Believe me, if I could have said it better myself, I would have...


Love nevertheless,
~K.

February - Thoughtless month?

I don't think so....
Just SO full of thoughts and events that I've not been able to put it in words. But trust me.. I've tried.
By now I've come to realize that these writing urges and blocks come in a cycle. And during one of these "blocks", I actually sign into my blog more often. But then, I just start writing, save it as a draft and log out.

I kinda hope that this confession will pull out the plug and let me empty my head into this little space here. If not, just know that I'm not giving up without a fight!

Cheers anyway!

~K.